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Having feels about my time in the lesbian feminist community. I met older lesbians who did important activism and created lesbian culture but who were also transphobic. There's much I still value from lesbian feminism but I can't overlook the transphobia anymore.
The whole idea that transmasculine people are just confused dykes who can be "brought to our senses" by lesbian feminism, going to "female-only" gatherings, etc is messed up. It doesn't work and transmasculine people can be harmed by trying to "just be a lesbian."
I'm a dyke, that's an important part of who I am but so is my transmasculinity. Trying to get rid of my transness and "accept that I'm a lesbian" fucked me up. It made me think I had to deny a part of myself to express another side of who I am. It kept me from being whole.
Spending time in lesbian feminist spaces lead me to pick up increasingly transphobic beliefs towards all trans people. They direct different kind of hatred at different kinds of trans people but it's all equally toxic and dangerous.
It really disturbs me how some afab lesbians' understanding of what it means to be a lesbian is bound up with transphobia. Lesbian identity is defined in contrast to transmasculinity, transfemininity, genderqueer/nonbinary etc. Defined largely by what it's not.
I say afab lesbian instead of cis lesbian because I don't think all transphobic lesbians are cis and that can play a role in why they find trans people so threatening. Having talked to many of these lesbians, I think some are dysphoric or have other gender issues.
The transphobic elements of lesbian feminism aren't theoretical to me, I've experienced the damage they can do firsthand and I'm still recovering from it. Parts of it are oppressive and destructive. I can't see lesbian feminism or lesbian culture in the same way anymore.
I don't feel comfortable going to lesbian feminist gatherings anymore, not when transphobia is so readily tolerated and promoted. I went to those spaces looking for healing/liberation and found encouragement to hated myself and other trans people.
So many lesbian feminists want to see themselves as poor misunderstood radicals fighting patriarchy but they promote bigotry and it ends up hurting people and spreading into the larger culture. I'm tired of them claiming victimhood and refusing to examine their own behavior.
I'm sad and frustrated with how so many lesbian feminists can't seem to let go of transphobic beliefs and have even come to define themselves against trans people. Watching lesbian feminism increasingly turn into an anti-trans hate group is just depressing.
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