For me being trans means moving between different gender categories, both in terms of how I feel psychologically and how others perceive me socially. I sometimes I still feel like a woman but I feel like other genders too. Sometimes I feel genderless.
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I didn’t stop being seen or treated like a man or a trans person when I detransitioned. I didn’t stop functioning socially as a trans person just because I called myself a woman. It’s more like I started occupying another gender category, woman, in addition to man and trans.
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Woman, female and butch might have been the only categories I claimed as a detrans woman but they weren’t the only categories I inhabited. After a while, only calling myself a woman felt like a denial of reality. It made me feel crazy.
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If the world sees and treats me as multiple genders why not name and claim that experience? It feels more true to say I am a trans person who is a woman among other genders than to say that I am a woman.
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It makes more sense to say I have a trans body that is read as multiple sexes and genders rather than as an exclusively female body. My body leads me to get read as a man or trans far more often than it gets me read as a woman.
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The whole "woman=adult human female" crap drives me crazy. Insisting that my reproductive organs makes me female or a woman conflicts with my lived experience. People can insist on that definition all they want but to me it's just an idea that doesn't match my reality.
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Calling myself trans just seems like the most accurate description of what I am and how I interact with the rest of the world. I'm not rejecting womanhood when I reclaim trans, I redefining my relationship to it in a way that fits my truth better.
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End of conversation
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