Ky Schevers

I used to always dismiss people when they compared being detrans to being ex-gay. What the hell were they talking about? I was a butch dyke! And then I came across the story of a gay conversion therapy survivor and it really resonated with me.

He was a CSA survivor who'd been convinced that the abuse had made him gay. He had been acting out self-destructively and was desperate for relief. Hearing his story made me see how a survivor could be lead to link being hurt by trauma with being gay or trans.

Something clicked inside of me when I heard this man's story and it scared the shit out of me. I was still deep in the detrans scene, dating another detrans rad fem. I told no one about what this story stirred up in me, not even my partner.

I started reading more about conversion therapy and the ex-gay movement and I started seeing more and more parallels btwn them and detransition. Meanwhile, I was trying my hardest to live as a woman while no longer feeling like one. I wasn't ready to know what I was figuring out.

It would be another few years before I got out and accepted what I'd been through. I had to disenage and spend time away from the detrans community to process what had happened.

I don't think every detrans rad fem is a self-hating trans person but I think a lot of people in that community are trying to live up to certain ideals that may not be healthy for them. At the very least, they'll be pressured to frame their experiences in specific ways.

Just being someone with a history of transition is going to complicate things for someone trying to join transphobic rad fem and lesbian communities. They may talk about their life in ways that align with rad fem theory in order to gain acceptance and support.

I know that I probably would've had a hard time integrating into red fem lesbian communities if I hadn't framed my transition as a tragedy or talked about myself as a lesbian damaged by patriarchy.