My husband and I just moved to Louisville and we hate our apartment. So we've been checking out new places to rent. Today we had a showing.
So I may have done the whitest thing imaginable today. I never thought I would be this white woman. But here we are. Join me for this story
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We really want more space so have been checking out rental homes. Today we saw this cute older house. A bungalow. I was allpic.twitter.com/w8N5hBgH8N
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It rained last night so the outside is a little gloomy. Older house. Wet stone. My husband is like "Eh it's a little creepy."pic.twitter.com/iHHpG7NCYq
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I'm all "No! it's just rainy! It's cute!" So the agent starts giving us the tour. First thing we notice is this weird grate thing inside.
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I say "we." No. My *husband* noticed. I was admiring the crown moulding and he was like "Um, what is this?" *points*
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Agent: "Oh that's just the return vent for the AC." Me: "Oh okay!" Husband: "Why does it look like the bars to a dungeon?" Agent:pic.twitter.com/peolDuk2lK
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We move along in the tour. We check out the kitchen. It's tiny and I cook a lot, so even I was like, "hmm." Husband notices something.
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"What are these scratches on the window?" Agent: "Oh, I think it's tough to open so probably a little wear and tear." Me: "Oh okay!" Him:pic.twitter.com/DJOgLCTKgi
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We check out the upstairs. Perfect room for a nursery. Master bedroom is smallish, but nice big closet. Me right now:pic.twitter.com/Em1NQ2msmW
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Husband *inspecting closet*: "Um...what is this little door inside the closet?" Agent: "What little door? Oh. I didn't notice that."pic.twitter.com/PIk60dCYMY
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Husband opens the door. It's a tiny dark room. Husband looks at me, whispers: "It looks like that shit from Get Out, Olivia." Me by now:pic.twitter.com/9c32VsbTNv
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Agent: "Let's check out the basement next, shall we?" Me: "Okay!" Husband: "I mean..." We go to the basement.
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It's very clean and not super dark. Lots of shelving. Couple chairs. And a door in the very back. It has three padlocks & a sliding lock.
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Husband immediately: "What does that door go to?" Agent quickly: "Oh, I don't think it goes anywhere. We don't have a key." Me: Ok! Him:pic.twitter.com/4x4ISH3DXb
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Agent: "I think it goes to the backyard." Husband: "Why is it locked? With like 10 locks?" Agent:pic.twitter.com/jZQJgi0vQM
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Agent: "Let's check out the backyard, shall we?" Me: "Okay!" Husband: "Lord Jesus."
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We go to the backyard. It's so cute. Rosebushes. Hostas and shit. Firepit. Me, forgetting about the door locked to keep the Devil out:pic.twitter.com/bZrS4DmeAh
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There's a latticework thingy that hides the underside of the house. I see a door. Me: See? There's the door! It just goes to the backyard!
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Husband: You realize that door is on the opposite side of the basement. (points at blank wall) That's where the locked door should be. Me:pic.twitter.com/tn7X9Y6xqF
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And he was right. The door I was looking at had a window into the basement. The place where the Devil-locked door should have been was empty
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Agent: "We take online applications as well as paper. <goes over the details.> Me: "Uh...okay." Husband:pic.twitter.com/NVBYrVxoep
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We get in the car. Drive away down the gray empty street. I say, "So...what did you think?" Husband:pic.twitter.com/nYzI0VFRpl
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All of us have seen the movie where the white woman is making dumb ass decisions & ignoring EVERY SIGN OF THE DEVIL'S HANDIWORK.
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Well, everyone. Today. Today I was that white woman. The devil almost got me for some goddamn rosebushes and a built-in china cabinet.
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I was almost signing a 12 month lease with The Conjuring bc my white ass got taken in by some original hardwood floors & a porcelain tub
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Considering lighting sage in case the Devil saw my dumb ass swooning over a screened-in verandah and decided to follow me home.
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Pray for me. But more importantly....pray for my husband for marrying my dumb ass. Fin.
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Note: A white woman replied to this thread and said "Well, a porcelain tub? Now I get it!" See. We cannot be trusted. HGTV by Stephen King
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Moved into our new place today. It doesn't appear to be haunted. If I start tweeting about loving Satan soon tho, you know what happened.
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Not THAT house, guys!! Different house!! I learned, okay! This is a perfectly normal rental home with no quadruple-locked mystery doors.pic.twitter.com/2RY8V7g1s2
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