twenty8tweem

@randi4evryone

Just trying to get a little pizza in an uncivilized world.

Oregon
Joined April 2015

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  1. Retweeted

    I’m going to be a huge bitch in 2019

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  2. Retweeted
    12 hours ago

    this friday is the least friday-est feeling friday in a minute

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  3. 18 hours ago

    Just realized I accidentally joined a low key sorority type situation. Only half mad about it.

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  4. Retweeted

    Hey, I appreciate my famous friends posting about but I kinda need all my friends posting about it. No matter how many followers you have. Tonight is the night 11pm you can be Russian bots for a good cause instead of elections or birdbox.

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  5. Retweeted
    Jan 3

    Don't make fun of hair band ballads. Those songs are the reason some of you are here.

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  6. 22 hours ago

    I've been team Dunkleman since season one of AI (never forget!) and there's absolutely zero shame whatsoever in taking care of your own health and family.

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  7. Retweeted
    Jan 3

    I think this might be the greatest show poster in the history of comedy, and I’m not even joking. ❤️

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  8. Jan 3

    Get you a man who can move his hips. Just look at all of that low back mobility damn.

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  9. Retweeted
    Jan 1

    I told my homegirl “I attract fuck boys” She was like “you’re a woman, a pretty woman, you attract everyone. Then, you chose fuck boys” I damn near jumped out the car

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  10. Retweeted
    Jan 3

    sometimes i wait for my friends to fall asleep so i can eat their sleep spiders for them :)

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  11. Retweeted
    Jan 3

    wait wtf should i go to coachella this year

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  12. Retweeted
    Jan 3

    Magic Eye books taught me to disassociate

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  13. Retweeted
    Jan 2

    me: new year new me boss: that doesn't even come close to explaining why your email signature just says "eat my entire ass"

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  14. Jan 2

    Been eatin’ vegetarian nuggets all week and just realized they got all kinds of dairy ingredients 🤦🏻‍♀️

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  15. Jan 2

    American Circumcision on Netflix is insane, powerful, illuminating and everyone needs to watch it.

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  16. Retweeted
    Jan 2

    Being blunt ≠ being mean. A lot of y’all don’t seem to understand that. You think people are mad because you told the truth, but in reality they’re upset because you demean them under the guise of “honesty.”

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  17. Retweeted
    30 Dec 2018

    whoever made this, I feel u.

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  18. Retweeted
    Jan 1

    Words you should use more of in 2019: • cattywampus • humdinger • bunghole • ruckus • cockamamie • grody • malarkey • doozy • asshat • jeepers • buttever • smidge • nincompoop • numbnuts • skedaddle • shwing • dagnabbit • snackages • willy nilly • fuckface

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  19. Retweeted
    31 Dec 2018

    This year I'm going to be more of the kind of God that you deserve. Yes, that's a threat.

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  20. Jan 1

    I'm starting to realize how big of a mistake it was to chug coffee and half & half all weekend.

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