my first report out of Sundance: the woman next to me just said loudly “Siri, what is middle seat etiquette?” then showed me Google search results on “middle seat armrests” and said she’s legally the owner of both middle armrests and I am not allowed to put my arm down 
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before takeoff the flight attendant went around greeting valued members or whatever (perhaps due to alleged Boeing status). she said hi and they exchanged pleasantries. the minute he walked away she turns to her teen daughter and says, “I hate fucking knowing people on planes.”
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unfortunately she knows me now and we are both on a plane and I will never forget her. I would describe her in more detail here but I’m truly frightened of her and do not doubt she is capable of homicide. anyway now she is snoring. also illegal.
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now she is fully asleep and both arms have fallen into her lap. this has all been a promotional hoax for the new season of curb your enthusiasm.
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I’ve unconsciously been doing a kegel for like two hours
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FAQs: Was I, in fact, taking up the middle armrest?: No, I had it on a small sliver as dictated by humane etiquette (tho not law). Also, I sat down 3 minutes earlier; we had not yet taken off. Describe her?: I can’t. Literally I’ll be killed. How many years have you aged? 17
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so stressed out that instead of sleeping I have been watching an auto-playing sponsored featurette of Aly Raisman playing ping-pong (?) on loop, followed by this chilling and relevant informational videopic.twitter.com/uIZyVHihAS
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twitter if you value human life do not make this a “moment” I beg you, she will find me
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she just woke up, took off her “casts” (wristguards) and put them away, then rummaged around in her bag for awhile
feeling well and truly ownedPrikaži ovu nit -
thread has gotten out of hand. virality is a curse. those telling me “she’s right” — there are no federal laws regarding armrests. I’m sorry. anyway. when we landed she directed her chaotic energy at a rental car company & her daughter said, “mom please stop being psychopathic.”
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Kraj razgovora
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I’m turning on notifications for this thread
Hvala. Twitter će to iskoristiti za poboljšanje vaše vremenske crte. PoništiPoništi
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