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  1. 15 hours ago

    Hello? let’s go viral

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  2. 16 hours ago

    Imagining Jessica Alba in a pair of uggs

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  3. 16 hours ago

    Going viral is easy I just gotta tweet a white woman’s name

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  4. 18 hours ago

    I can always tell I have a bunch of new followers when my replies are like “can someone explain if she’s joking?” No. Get out of here

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  5. 19 hours ago

    I need Anne Hathaway to know that I loved her the whole time. not once did I stray from loving her. my love for her never wavered. all these other wishy washy bitches clock in and out but I’ve been here on call for her

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  6. Retweeted
    May 18
    Replying to

    This is crazy. She just voice memoed me saying her movies are for girls and called me “flat Stanley’s cousin” ???

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  7. May 18

    joe Biden keeps trying to contact me to make me the united states poet laureate but I keep missing his calls because I’m too busy lying on twitter

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  8. Retweeted
    May 18
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  9. May 18
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  10. May 18

    Greta gerwig randomly emailed my agents and said my breasts are “too big and bouncy” to be in her Barbie movie. The worst part is I hadn’t even auditioned :(

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  11. May 18

    You can’t hurt me. The laser hair removal nurse said I have a “crazy high pain tolerance” and that I’m “freaking” her “out”

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  12. May 18

    She ate this UP omg i believe every word

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  13. May 17

    Some of the most perfect simple written comedy I’ve ever encountered

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  14. May 17

    Doja cat is just like me (hates bras, just wears bikini tops every day)

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  15. May 16

    Thank god I wore my shorts today I almost forgot to respect a black woman

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  16. May 16

    Some people might not understand this if they’ve never lived the hammock lifestyle :(

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  17. May 16

    hammock lifestyle 😎

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  18. May 16

    When a pelican fills that big beak bag up with water? I would personally love to know what that feels like

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  19. May 16

    Don’t even get me started on a bunch of guys banging on a bunch of big drums

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  20. May 16

    Every culture on earth agrees: we love it when there’s one guy banging on a big drum

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