Next I'll have the main character stay at home while nothing happens for nine years
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Replying to @qntm
It's 1/4 of the book before the main character leaves his home country
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Replying to @qntm
TOM BOMBADIL: Danger up ahead! FELLOWSHIP: Okay! [falls into warned-of danger] TOM: [rescues them] TOLKIEN: This was a good use of pages
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Replying to @qntm
350 pages in, they climactically decide to destroy the One Ring at Mount Doom, which was ALREADY DECIDED THREE HUNDRED PAGES AGO
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Replying to @qntm
There are so many better solutions to the One Ring problem that the entire Council of Elrond is dedicated to papering over those plot holes
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Replying to @qntm
And most importantly, tell, don't show! Better if Gandalf EXPLAINS his thrilling solo adventures AFTER returning safely to his friends
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Replying to @qntm
Why explain the awful consequences of Ringwraith capture BEFORE the attack, when you can do so two chapters after everybody escaped safely?
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Replying to @qntm
To say nothing of the solution to every "The characters are out of food" problem being "Someone just gives them a lot of food"
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Replying to @qntm
The Hobbit and The Lord Of The Rings are like textbooks about what not to do and it boggles my mind that they found any success
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Replying to @qntm
I guess they appeared at a time when hot buttered mushrooms were the pinnacle of escapist fantasy in the UK
1 reply 1 retweet 9 likes
This also explains why so much fantasy is garbage: (1) follows Tolkien's terrible lead; (2) not even written by Tolkien
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Replying to @qntm
I got all the way through this rant without mentioning trees or songs
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