quarantine 'em

You had me at "Node.js [...] COBOL" https://github.com/IonicaBizau/node-cobol/ …

But what's going on with those block comments full of COBOL code? How does that even work? https://github.com/IonicaBizau/node-cobol/ …

Answer: calling toString() on a JavaScript function gets you the ENTIRE function text, including the comments. Then: https://github.com/IonicaBizau/node-cobol/blob/master/lib/index.js#L70 …

This is what happens when you have no multiline string syntax, but you do have hilariously powerful introspection tools

I thought for sure the craziest idea in the module "node-cobol" would be Node.js or COBOL but here we are

JavaScript multiline string syntax: var s = (function(){/* STRING GOES HERE */}).toString().slice(14, -3);