You had me at "Node.js [...] COBOL" https://github.com/IonicaBizau/node-cobol/ …
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This is what happens when you have no multiline string syntax, but you do have hilariously powerful introspection tools
I thought for sure the craziest idea in the module "node-cobol" would be Node.js or COBOL but here we are
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JavaScript multiline string syntax: var s = (function(){/* STRING GOES HERE */}).toString().slice(14, -3);
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Sadly it looks like ECMAScript 6 will have multiline strings, otherwise this could become the most horrifying JavaScript idiom of all time
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