there is a tiny part of me going "implement bash substitution parsing" to make tab completion work properly and i'm cursed
Did you ever read the thing where it's suggested that Bash's sparse arrays make it suitable for writing e.g. spreadsheet software https://www.tldp.org/LDP/abs/html/arrays.html …
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i hope that's about "sparse arrays are ok! c programmers, ok, don't worry"
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