quarantine 'em

Now, if you're NOT being attacked by the Mossad — which, by the way, is where you want to be —

As a child in 1977, John had met Gordon Moore; Gordon had pulled a quarter from behind John’s ear and then proclaimed that he would pull twice as many quarters from John’s ear every 18 months. Moore, of course, was an incorrigible liar

I HAVE NO TOOLS BECAUSE I’VE DESTROYED MY TOOLS WITH MY TOOLS

What's that? You're angry because people told you to move your email servers to the cloud, and then you moved into the cloud, but then the cloud went down and your provider isn't telling you what happened? Well, listen, the solution is easy! You should want to use email less!

[Bane impression] Maybe! When you build your system! It will be correct the first time!

America needs FEWER programmers

Not everything is hopeless! Only most things are hopeless

The desire to make systems more reliable is a powerful one; unfortunately, this addiction, if left unchecked, will inescapably lead to madness

Foolish mortal! No! Of course they don't work that way! Don't ever take knowledge from the regular world and try to apply it to JavaScript!

Fundamentally speaking, one thing that's kinda weird about a lot of these services is that they're basically built around this model of creating a new type of poor person

[startup pitch] Using advanced machine learning, we decide which rich people should take which teeth from the poor people

A modern Web page is a catastrophe. It’s like a scene from one of those apocalyptic medieval paintings that depicts what would happen if Galactus arrived

[A] Web page is now like V’Ger from the first “Star Trek” movie, a piece of technology that we once understood but can no longer fathom, a thrashing leviathan of code and markup written by people so untrustworthy that they’re not even third parties, they’re fifth parties

[W3C] specifications are binding upon browser vendors in the same way that you can ask a Gila monster to meet you at the airport

Quirks mode was originally invented because many Web pages were made during the Eisenhower administration, and the computing industry wanted to preserve Web-based narratives about why “the rock and roll” is corrupting our youth

It never gets better. As shown by this graph, life only gets worse. Time is on the X axis, worseness is on the Y axis. That line is going up and to the right, ladies and gentlemen. So: let's talk about computer security

So, if you believe in the Internet of Things — which, by the way, you should not —