for myself, I can't (unproblematically) define lesbian. i just know i am and i know it's the sexuality label that denotes an exclusion of men.
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i don't think sexualities can have static or concrete definitions because gender is constructed. at best you define it by what genders you exclude and you simply identify with that or don't.
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sexuality and gender are different but never entirely seperate. being straight is about not being gay (excluding the same gender). being gay is about excluding women. nonbinary + trans identities don't complicate sexuality, they reveal them as the unstable constructions they are.
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