Angry Staff Officer

Ok, so - 1779 in NY and it's like the goddamned holland tunnel - gridlocked like a mothafucka. Henry Clinton can't get out, G. Washington can't get in. You got Lord Germain in London all anxious for someone to do something So the Brits run off and take savannah GA

Now, this might seem ass backwards, but the Brits have this idea that MAYBE there's all these magical loyalists in the south who r gonna materialize put of thin air once the Redcoats march in so they go ALL IN on the dirty south Poor Cas Pulaski gonna die outside Savannah

For the uneducated, Casimir "I might actually be a lady, fuck your toxic masculinity" Pulaski was a Polish adventurer and father/mother of the US Cavalry Branch, who's gonna die trying to fend off Lord "I've got a date with india where thing will go better for me" Cornwallis

After Savannah falls, there's alll these loyalists who show up, armed, all eager to please and the Brits are like "YASSS this is what we've been waiting for since the beginning. The loyal Americans who will fight this war for us" Yeah, they were looking for their Sunni awakening

But then Cornwallis gets all tricky, outmaneuvers Lincoln and BAM May 12, 1780, and Lincoln surrenders and the southern department is basically Well Royally fucked Literally

But hey! Not to worry! The genuies... Geniuses... There we go. The.. those people.. in the continental congress have this shit on lock, right? They go over Georgie's head and appoint the HERO OF SARATOGA to command of the non existent southern. Department But hey Hey

Horatio Gates, the so-called Hero of Saratoga, basically sat on his posterior during Saratoga. Benny Arnold did all the leading. And by now, due to a) poor officer career management b) him being an egotistical prick he's now wearing red Anyhoo. Gates. On the scene

No, no, no WAIT WE'RE TALKING about Benedict Arnold, who carried ALL the ear on the. No. War. In. The. North. There we go. Carried that shit. From 1775 to 1777. And then got passed the hell over by the Cont Cong because Benny was kinda a dick But So did Danny Morgan

Look, both Arnold and Morgan gonna be getting into shit from 1775 on They both gonna get WIA Both gonna break British stuff Both gonna literally carry the war Both gonna get passed over by the Cont Cong A lesson in officer career management, IF YOU WILL and I will

Arnold, well, he goes traitor, so fuckkkkkk himmmmm Morgan, he goes 'fuck this, I'm out' and goes back to his farm because you know, not from Connecticut like Arnold Aaaaaand when everything goes to shit on the south, morgan comes out of retirement Like Rambo

But anyhoo, Gates goes south and IMMEDIATELY proposes to ATTACK with the, lik, 2000 troops he has left Congress sends him to go build an army so he commits what's he's got to battle at Camden, SC and It Um Doesn't go great

Gates promptly loses literally everything in the south and gets German-French Johann de Kalb killed as he tries to extract his brigade from a nightmare situation and so Gates valiantly fights back Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha no he runs away for 180 miles

So, shit is precisely and absolutely screwed for the Continental Army in the south, right? Wrongggg GW does one of those things that are lik, magical, and appoint Nathaniel "god, I hate staff life but I'M SO GOOD AT IT" Greene to lead the southern department

Now, in the south, shit is fucked I know I've used these qualitative words before, but I've never meant them with such heartfelt certitude It's a straight up civil war Like . Horrible There's no such thing as a good civil war. It is all terrible

But Greene is chill. "I got this, fam" is the feeling he exudes. He gets everyone food. Clothing. Ammo. Boats. It's like Wait Boats? Oh yes N Green real, ies there's rivers ALL UP IN HERE and that if he can do that wet gap crossing* game, he can win *Phrasing

Morgan, he draws out Banastre Tarleton, as played by @jasonsfolly BRILLIANTLY, like, give this man ALL THE AWARDS anyways. DM, HE GETS it. He knows the militia gonna run, it's what they do. He just asks them for 2 volleys. That's all. Riflemen in front, then militia, then Cont

The Brits over commit, get confused, then suddenly there's militia on one flank, coming back like a cold sore you just can't quit, and then Willy Washington's cavalry on the other side and all of a sudden Tarleton realizes he is FUCKED and runs & runs & runs away That's Cowpens

Good ol Lord Cornwallis, when he hears about Tarleton's defeat & the 500 prisoners he's lost, says that Cowpens broke his heart Well Add that to the list of British thing that Daniel Morgan done broke in his long career

Now, you might be asking, yo, ASO, we were promised Yorktown And, like Kipling, I will tell you, patience, O Jerusalem I'll get there Because yorktown happened only because Corny Walls Walls can't get to grips with Greene. But boy o boy does he want to

He wants to do badly that he's gonna chase Greene allllll the way into NC, over many rivers, that Greene gonna casually cross, with his boats Finally, gonna fight it out at Guilford Courthouse in NC. It's a nominal Brit victory, but Cornface takes losses he can't replace

"The American fought like demons" Cornwally is gonna say after Guildford CH. Well, then, YA SHOULDA KNOWN, bud. He gets his resdcoated ass back to Wilmington & decides what to do. Coz the Sunni Awakening ain't happening (that's OIF shade, yo) & the loyalists don't wanna

The our Earl gets a BRAINWAVE. Gotta think center of gravity, even tho that shit hasn't been invented by Clausewitz yet. How is Greene surviving, Corndog asks? Virginia. So simple! Occupy VA, cut off Greene, et voila, victory Too doggone easy. Corny moves to Yorktown, VA

Now there's 8000 Brit troops in Yorktown and VA, but G Washington sees this as the chance he's been waiting for, to get that sweet combined American-French operation going. Adm De Grasse is gonna have his French ships in the Chesapeake in Aug, and they wanna partyyyyy

In August, 4k French troops March down from Rhode Island, the only time I'll ever mention that weird ass place, and link up with GW at NYC. GW gonna leave 2k troops outside NYC where there's like 8 times their number of Brits, but it's ok, the Brits don't have an EZpass

GW rushes south with all teh troopz, and meanwhile, something IMPORTANT goes down navy shit Yeah, that's right. The most decisive part of this action is the damn navy Not even the us navy The French Navy Everyone drink. Lift one high for De Grasse & the French Navy

Toast to September 5 and the Battle of the Capes where De Grasse and Admiral Tommy Graves duke it off Chesapeake Bay, broadsides and all An inconclusive naval action That lasts 3 days Time enough to land French troops, siege guns, and alllllll the good shit Thx, Navy stuff