Ok, I'll give you that it's a straight up visual spectacle of grandeur But So is this catpic.twitter.com/DQYMySZDcE
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Ok, I'll give you that it's a straight up visual spectacle of grandeur But So is this catpic.twitter.com/DQYMySZDcE
C'mon, Pete, just throwing the Ring to Gollum without explaining the change from Smeagol is basically like wiping out THE WHOLE THING THE RING DOES WHICH IS PERVERT THAT WHICH IS GOOD grumble grumble grumble
Pretty sure this whole bit on Hobbiton is just a commentary on British people Or what Tolkien wanted the British to be But Jackson did do Hobbiton fairly well You won't find me griping too much about this film. It's the other two that I have the strongest objections to
Anyways, because we don't get Smeagol's backstory, Jackson decides to show that change in Bilbo, which makes him a less sympathetic character - hardly the old Bilbo we were happy to meet again after reading the Hobbit as children The first character perversion. First of many
Skipping the entire background of WHY Sam and Merry and Pippin and Frodo are so close is yet another whitewash of characters that these movies do so well Great visuals. Shit character development. People just "do" things But people never just "do" things. There's always context
Who put all the bollards around Isengard and why? Keeping carriages off the grass? Was Saruman a CSM? And Saruman says Gandalf is getting slow because his love of pipe-weed? Jackson had a thing for pipe-weed as dope.
Jackson loves himself some comic occurrences and can't pass up someone falling or dangling off a cliff
Aaaand here we skip the entire sequence where we find out the only reason that Merry's sword works on the Witch King but sure, nuance isn't needed when you're making something to be mass produced
Viggo is just too pretty to be Aragorn. Sorry. Strider is an uncouth, vicious looking man Viggo just looks like he's a model who needs a shave and a wash
Back to character perversion: Jackson's Frodo is just basically scared shitless the whole time and goes for the ring as soon as things seem bad At Weathertop he just screams and falls down Versus who he is in the book, who is someone who screams the name of an elf-god & attacks
Nice convenient way to get Uruk Hai being born out of the earth versus *Checks notes* Oh yeah, the cross-breeding of men and orcs That would be a totes different sorta film
Sorry. Arwen isn't Glorfindel. *dies on hill* "It was just another elf" Fine. President Truman freed the slaves. What? It's just another president. Also FRODO WAS THE ONE WHO STOOD HIS HORSE MID-STREAM WITH SWORD UPRAISED but whatever, who needs character development
Ah, poor Sean Bean. Never gets to live. Unless as Richard Sharpe. I have now watched more Sharpe's Rifles than LOTR that I can only wonder why this dude from the 95th Rifles is running around without his Baker rifle
"he turned from that path long ago. He has chosen exile." HE LITERALLY RANGES WITH YOUR SONS, ELROND MY DUDE YOU MEET WITH HIM ALL THE TIME TO TALK ABOUR RECLAIMING HIS KINGSHIP and Aragorn carried the shards of Narsil around, thanks very much
Sorry. The theme is character distortion. Not ranting about all the small shit that doesn't actually matter because no movie is as good as the book Unless it's Princess Bride And then both the movie and the book are equally glorious, for different reasons
Just sitting here waiting for Boromir to explain how Mordor will be defeated by soldiers who can fire three well-aimed volleys in one minute
I actually think they did Moria very well They captured it exactly as I pictured it, and the feeling is exactly correct
Good God this is a long movie. Extended version. I can't commit to it all tonight. Will finish later. Maybe.
Okay - picking back up where we left off. Gandalf just fell into the mines of Moria and all that
Drink of the night is NOT GIN
I know, crazy
It's a Cabernet Sauvignon from @RadevicWines
And it is TASTY
Ok, and so here we get this ridiculous moment of the elves in Lothlorien suddenly being a bunch of arrogant shits - ELVES AREN'T RUDE, PJ. THEY'RE ALWAYS COURTEOUS EVEN WHEN THEY DON'T LIKE YOU and galadriel as crazy elf witch is just over the top
When they leave Lothlorien, there is no sense that they are tearing themselves away from paradise Just that they're leaving & they don't give Sam his his seed to rebuild the Shire because they get rid of the Scouring & they take Gimli, Merry, & Pippin & make them comic relief
I too like to shout "find the haflings" when I get mad The numbers of Uruk Hai seem somewhat um, exaggerated Boromir's last stand is legit epic, though
Sean Bean should've been Aragorn Yup Shoulda been Have Viggo be Faramir
Occasionally, the series gets the moments perfectly Boromir's death is one of those moments
Anyways, fuckit, let's see what Two Towers has to offer Pours more wine Looks at camera "Oh, we know what nonsense this movie has in store"
Okay, for the Two Towers, the book, I have a confession: I skipped most bits that had to do with Frodo and Sam because they were so BORING That holds true for the movie, too Still. Will push through.
Ugh This is just a reminder of those agonizingly boring bits "Oh look, the hobbits are walking through rocks. Oh look, they went in a circle. Now they're in marshes. Now they're in rocks. Now Gollum is being sneaky." It's like," get back to the horse wars already"
Getting really heavy-handed with your allegory here, PJ, through this Saruman soliloquy Yes, Saruman is the militarization of society, but you could be subtler
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