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pptsapper's profile
Angry Staff Officer
Angry Staff Officer
Angry Staff Officer
@pptsapper

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Angry Staff Officer

@pptsapper

History person, Army officer, transplanted Buckeye. Writes stuff. Some Star Wars. One half of @warstoriescast. Views do not reflect or represent the DoD's.

The Edge of Empire
angrystaffofficer.com
Joined September 2011

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    Angry Staff Officer‏ @pptsapper 28 Sep 2019

    Well Twitter We had a good run But someone put Peter Jackson's so-called "The Lord of the Rings" on streaming services And it's time for you all to know just how much they anger me I fully expect a barrage of unfollows Regardless Truth must be told Roll tape

    7:12 PM - 28 Sep 2019
    • 61 Retweets
    • 886 Likes
    • Oceanside Doctor Andrew Tinker Ernesto Marcel Aubron-Bülles 🇪🇺 💍🌋✨ Alicia yonko badowsky🇳🇬 Philip Girvan C. Gordon - Get vaxxed, America! Charlie Weinstein
    149 replies 61 retweets 886 likes
      1. New conversation
      2. Angry Staff Officer‏ @pptsapper 28 Sep 2019

        Ok, I'll give you that it's a straight up visual spectacle of grandeur But So is this catpic.twitter.com/DQYMySZDcE

        10 replies 4 retweets 466 likes
        Show this thread
      3. Angry Staff Officer‏ @pptsapper 28 Sep 2019

        C'mon, Pete, just throwing the Ring to Gollum without explaining the change from Smeagol is basically like wiping out THE WHOLE THING THE RING DOES WHICH IS PERVERT THAT WHICH IS GOOD grumble grumble grumble

        11 replies 5 retweets 254 likes
        Show this thread
      4. Angry Staff Officer‏ @pptsapper 28 Sep 2019

        Pretty sure this whole bit on Hobbiton is just a commentary on British people Or what Tolkien wanted the British to be But Jackson did do Hobbiton fairly well You won't find me griping too much about this film. It's the other two that I have the strongest objections to

        8 replies 3 retweets 211 likes
        Show this thread
      5. Angry Staff Officer‏ @pptsapper 28 Sep 2019

        Anyways, because we don't get Smeagol's backstory, Jackson decides to show that change in Bilbo, which makes him a less sympathetic character - hardly the old Bilbo we were happy to meet again after reading the Hobbit as children The first character perversion. First of many

        13 replies 4 retweets 199 likes
        Show this thread
      6. Angry Staff Officer‏ @pptsapper 28 Sep 2019

        Skipping the entire background of WHY Sam and Merry and Pippin and Frodo are so close is yet another whitewash of characters that these movies do so well Great visuals. Shit character development. People just "do" things But people never just "do" things. There's always context

        10 replies 4 retweets 238 likes
        Show this thread
      7. Angry Staff Officer‏ @pptsapper 28 Sep 2019

        Who put all the bollards around Isengard and why? Keeping carriages off the grass? Was Saruman a CSM? And Saruman says Gandalf is getting slow because his love of pipe-weed? Jackson had a thing for pipe-weed as dope.

        16 replies 3 retweets 189 likes
        Show this thread
      8. Angry Staff Officer‏ @pptsapper 28 Sep 2019

        Jackson loves himself some comic occurrences and can't pass up someone falling or dangling off a cliff

        2 replies 1 retweet 113 likes
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      9. Angry Staff Officer‏ @pptsapper 28 Sep 2019

        Aaaand here we skip the entire sequence where we find out the only reason that Merry's sword works on the Witch King but sure, nuance isn't needed when you're making something to be mass produced

        11 replies 1 retweet 189 likes
        Show this thread
      10. Angry Staff Officer‏ @pptsapper 28 Sep 2019

        Viggo is just too pretty to be Aragorn. Sorry. Strider is an uncouth, vicious looking man Viggo just looks like he's a model who needs a shave and a wash

        31 replies 5 retweets 210 likes
        Show this thread
      11. Angry Staff Officer‏ @pptsapper 28 Sep 2019

        Back to character perversion: Jackson's Frodo is just basically scared shitless the whole time and goes for the ring as soon as things seem bad At Weathertop he just screams and falls down Versus who he is in the book, who is someone who screams the name of an elf-god & attacks

        13 replies 7 retweets 249 likes
        Show this thread
      12. Angry Staff Officer‏ @pptsapper 28 Sep 2019

        Nice convenient way to get Uruk Hai being born out of the earth versus *Checks notes* Oh yeah, the cross-breeding of men and orcs That would be a totes different sorta film

        9 replies 5 retweets 246 likes
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      13. Angry Staff Officer‏ @pptsapper 28 Sep 2019

        Sorry. Arwen isn't Glorfindel. *dies on hill* "It was just another elf" Fine. President Truman freed the slaves. What? It's just another president. Also FRODO WAS THE ONE WHO STOOD HIS HORSE MID-STREAM WITH SWORD UPRAISED but whatever, who needs character development

        18 replies 6 retweets 295 likes
        Show this thread
      14. Angry Staff Officer‏ @pptsapper 28 Sep 2019

        Ah, poor Sean Bean. Never gets to live. Unless as Richard Sharpe. I have now watched more Sharpe's Rifles than LOTR that I can only wonder why this dude from the 95th Rifles is running around without his Baker rifle

        15 replies 5 retweets 273 likes
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      15. Angry Staff Officer‏ @pptsapper 28 Sep 2019

        "he turned from that path long ago. He has chosen exile." HE LITERALLY RANGES WITH YOUR SONS, ELROND MY DUDE YOU MEET WITH HIM ALL THE TIME TO TALK ABOUR RECLAIMING HIS KINGSHIP and Aragorn carried the shards of Narsil around, thanks very much

        5 replies 3 retweets 239 likes
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      16. Angry Staff Officer‏ @pptsapper 28 Sep 2019

        Sorry. The theme is character distortion. Not ranting about all the small shit that doesn't actually matter because no movie is as good as the book Unless it's Princess Bride And then both the movie and the book are equally glorious, for different reasons

        20 replies 10 retweets 347 likes
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      17. Angry Staff Officer‏ @pptsapper 28 Sep 2019

        Just sitting here waiting for Boromir to explain how Mordor will be defeated by soldiers who can fire three well-aimed volleys in one minute

        14 replies 17 retweets 223 likes
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      18. Angry Staff Officer‏ @pptsapper 28 Sep 2019

        I actually think they did Moria very well They captured it exactly as I pictured it, and the feeling is exactly correct

        10 replies 0 retweets 196 likes
        Show this thread
      19. Angry Staff Officer‏ @pptsapper 28 Sep 2019

        Constipated Frodo is worst Frodo

        2 replies 3 retweets 108 likes
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      20. Angry Staff Officer‏ @pptsapper 28 Sep 2019

        Good God this is a long movie. Extended version. I can't commit to it all tonight. Will finish later. Maybe.

        15 replies 0 retweets 149 likes
        Show this thread
      21. Angry Staff Officer‏ @pptsapper 29 Sep 2019

        Okay - picking back up where we left off. Gandalf just fell into the mines of Moria and all that Drink of the night is NOT GIN I know, crazy It's a Cabernet Sauvignon from @RadevicWines And it is TASTY

        5 replies 1 retweet 99 likes
        Show this thread
      22. Angry Staff Officer‏ @pptsapper 29 Sep 2019

        Ok, and so here we get this ridiculous moment of the elves in Lothlorien suddenly being a bunch of arrogant shits - ELVES AREN'T RUDE, PJ. THEY'RE ALWAYS COURTEOUS EVEN WHEN THEY DON'T LIKE YOU and galadriel as crazy elf witch is just over the top

        10 replies 4 retweets 128 likes
        Show this thread
      23. Angry Staff Officer‏ @pptsapper 29 Sep 2019

        When they leave Lothlorien, there is no sense that they are tearing themselves away from paradise Just that they're leaving & they don't give Sam his his seed to rebuild the Shire because they get rid of the Scouring & they take Gimli, Merry, & Pippin & make them comic relief

        9 replies 1 retweet 117 likes
        Show this thread
      24. Angry Staff Officer‏ @pptsapper 29 Sep 2019

        I too like to shout "find the haflings" when I get mad The numbers of Uruk Hai seem somewhat um, exaggerated Boromir's last stand is legit epic, though

        8 replies 0 retweets 151 likes
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      25. Angry Staff Officer‏ @pptsapper 29 Sep 2019

        Sean Bean should've been Aragorn Yup Shoulda been Have Viggo be Faramir

        21 replies 5 retweets 158 likes
        Show this thread
      26. Angry Staff Officer‏ @pptsapper 29 Sep 2019

        Occasionally, the series gets the moments perfectly Boromir's death is one of those moments

        4 replies 2 retweets 182 likes
        Show this thread
      27. Angry Staff Officer‏ @pptsapper 29 Sep 2019

        Anyways, fuckit, let's see what Two Towers has to offer Pours more wine Looks at camera "Oh, we know what nonsense this movie has in store"

        5 replies 1 retweet 86 likes
        Show this thread
      28. Angry Staff Officer‏ @pptsapper 29 Sep 2019

        Okay, for the Two Towers, the book, I have a confession: I skipped most bits that had to do with Frodo and Sam because they were so BORING That holds true for the movie, too Still. Will push through.

        13 replies 2 retweets 120 likes
        Show this thread
      29. Angry Staff Officer‏ @pptsapper 29 Sep 2019

        Ugh This is just a reminder of those agonizingly boring bits "Oh look, the hobbits are walking through rocks. Oh look, they went in a circle. Now they're in marshes. Now they're in rocks. Now Gollum is being sneaky." It's like," get back to the horse wars already"

        2 replies 1 retweet 97 likes
        Show this thread
      30. Angry Staff Officer‏ @pptsapper 29 Sep 2019

        And now Let it happenpic.twitter.com/9amSJGsGBI

        3 replies 1 retweet 82 likes
        Show this thread
      31. Angry Staff Officer‏ @pptsapper 29 Sep 2019

        Getting really heavy-handed with your allegory here, PJ, through this Saruman soliloquy Yes, Saruman is the militarization of society, but you could be subtler

        5 replies 0 retweets 71 likes
        Show this thread
      32. Show replies

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