Look, before you cretins start bashing it, this was in fact my favorite movie of all time growing up, beards and shitty historiography be damned. So be merciful. Ok, some more gin. And away we go.
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How Jeff Daniels could look so damned much like JL Chamberlain I will never know, but he and Sam Elliot are basically everything about this movie Sam Elliot is also basically God You know it's true
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The opening with the South Mountain Range...oy. that part of the nation is so damn gorgeous. I have fond thoughts of retiring there Anyways, we've got Harrison watching what - half a troop of cavalry and declaring that it's two brigades? Pshhh
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Aaaamd now Harrison comes upon the fattest goddam southern picket line in the world This bearded dude could sustain the entire Army of Northern Virginia on his gut alone
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Tom Berenger does a great Longstreet, despite his godawful beard Fun fact: Gettysburg and Sniper came out the same year Yeah, Tommy can ACT, yo Then there's Moxely Sorrel getting all Virginian and affrotned on behalf of JEB "oh hell I'm lost" Stuart, dangit Moxely
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Martin Sheen as the surprised and confused Lee is my favorite Lee of all time "General Stuart would not leave us blind" Longstreet:pic.twitter.com/mLHzkWHVoN
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Chamberlain getting basically the worst awakening a commander can get Some Irish NCO without coffee telling you all about a personnel issue The 19th century version of "2nd PLT lost a set of NVGs"
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Psh, as if some Pennsylvania fellas are gonna keep 120 men of the 2nd Maine in line These are the dudes that told Stuart's blackhorrse cavalry to fuck off at Bull Run and didn't bother to run away rugged af
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Ah, the arrival of C Thomas Howell on the battlefield. Poor Tom. He was shit at civilian life. Was great in Red Dawn tho
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I only just now realized what a boss move JLC pulls by having Tom sign for the prisoners "Adjutants problem, not mine, dudebro" My man *gets* the S1 lane like no other
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Then there's this dude from the 2nd Maine with the WORST downeast accent ever Which is funny because the 2nd Maine wasn't from downeast Downeast is a Maine term that makes no sense because Maine
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Yeah, of course I'm gonna tear up during the Chamberlain speech to the 2d Maine. Obvs, I have a heart , don't I?
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I don't care that this isn't what Chamberlain said, it's damn well what he might have said "It's the idea that we all have value..." That's what fight for. Still.
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Good ol Ellis Spear. Ran the US Patent Office after the war Why the fuck do I know things like this but I can't remember where I put my shorts
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I won't lie When I first saw Buford and his staff ride onto the field I was like "I wanna join the cavalry when I grow up" Then I discovered that they're all boring now
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Get someone to love you the way colonel Gamble loves the ground around Gettysburg
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This bit where Buford does engagement area development is basically a staff officers wet dream Like, a division commander actually DOING terrain analysis The S2 and engineer likepic.twitter.com/3HiczUckQq
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He literally does every step of EA Dev My god That Jno Buford is so hot right now
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Gamble tossing shade at Devin for Thoroughfare Gap is WICKED I do love that they show the dismounted cavalry moving forward while also showing that every fourth man held the horses The nerd in me needs this kinda shit
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Aaaaaand here we have Lee getting all biblical and quoting the Psalms Which is funny Cause god wasn't on his side
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Heth's division coming up in column lol Calef's battery finna wreck you son Now In a fairness The cav didn't deploy in line like this They did a retrograde shit thing because their carbines couldn't range rifles But Buford's professional glee at killing traitors is JOYFUL
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Look, if you don't choke up when that big beautiful I Corps flag comes into view, i don't know what to do with you You're obviously not human
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Major General Harry Heth making excuses like sad second lieutenant Have heard this speech before "I didn't know what else I could've done, no one knows, definitely not my NCOs who told me not to do it"
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Lee: "my orders to all commanders, attack!" Iron Brigade:pic.twitter.com/ehy9WwejVa
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God, the advance of the Iron Brigade is like GODDAM TONIC TO MY SOUL they WRECKT Archer's brigade Cause fuck yo traitorous couch
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Poor Reynolds. One of the best commanders of the war And gentlest of men Goddam all war
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And speaking of Lieutenants, here's Tom Chamberlain chumming it up with some mutineers Howell needs to blur his Rs Apparently he'd never been to the Northeast where Rs don't exist
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And now we'll just go ahead and gloss over an entire day's worth of fighting just Soo some butternut clad jackass can tell "they're running" which is bullshit, because the 11 Corps only caved because outflanked & outnumbered and Hills corps got FUCKED UP on July 1
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And then the "we're fighting for our rats" bit. "Why can't you folks live the way you want to and let us live the way we want to?" Because your way of life involved OWNING PEOPLE jackasses
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Jeff Daniels says "Banger" for "Bangor" This unfortunately ruined the movie for all the Mainers I know
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