Angry Staff Officer

Opening Twitter after a drunj history night is always a little fraught Like, oh god, what did I say this time

I blame @kairyssdal for the fact that my mentions are out of control Sir, what have you done

Unfortunately, Polk was such a shitty general, Dilger may have done the US cause a disservice by killing him Meh, I'm ok with it. Folks, raise a glass to Hot Pants Dilger and Ohio's Battery I, 1st Light Artillery

It's here that he encounters the right reverend Leonidas Polk, a righteous, god-fearing southern episcopal bishop-turned rebel general who just HAPPENED to also claim title to 111 human beings Dilger solved this ecumenical problem by cutting Polk in twain with round shot in '64

THEY FIND AN ARTILLERY PIECE WITH A ROUND SHOT IN THE MUZZLE legend. ary. But he ain't done yet. Later that year the 11th corps gets sent west to Tennessee, where they'll kick ass thru the campaigns into Georgia with Billy Sherman

His first shot completely dismounts a rebel gun Second shot, blows up an ammunition chest Third shot. No effect, says his spotter "Oh no," says hot Pants. "I think you'll find I have plugged their barrel" WAIT FOR IT when US troops advance on July 4...

I know, I know, you're wondering about what Huey Dilger does WELL Hot Pants will be at Gettysburg, where his Buckeyes will take on an entire Battalion of rebel guns on July 1. Hot Pants gets annoyed at his gunners' aim and starts to sight the guns himself Get ready for this

So, yay, Chancellorsville, Lee's perfect victory Dude, if losing 1/5 of your army, a corps commander, & multiple division and brigade commanders just to keep the field is a perfect victory, I hate to see what a bad day is like Oh, right, Gettysburg Nev mind, I love seeing that

Speaking of Fredericksburg, US troops actually storm Marye's Heights this time and get in Lee's rear and then there's a counterattack but Lee didn't bet on some crazy Vermonters who refused to give ground and just stood there and Green Mountained until the rebs gave up

Hooker hangs out in his defenses for a few days, waiting for Lee to attack (except for a storm, Lee would have, and hot damn, that storm ruined an amazing day for the US Army to have a reverse Fredericksburg) then falls back across the rising river before it gets too high

With Jackson down, Lee keeps attacking on May 3 but all it does is give Hooker a concussion and give Dan Sickles more opportunities to ride around smoking a cigar saying everything is fine as everything is not fine Hooker will pull back about half a mile

Like, seriously, is there a decapitation strike that has ever killed one corps commander and wounded a division commander at the same time? I can't think of one Also LOL to CSA cavalry prowess when reb inf hear hooves and assume they're Yankee cavalry, that says a lot

Because of being slowed by one hot German in leather pants, Thomas "hold a hand in the air to keep my insides balanced" Jackson tries a night attack which reveals the amazing marksmanship of the 18th North Carolina in one of the greatest own goals in military history

Dilger straight up slows 15,000 confederates down with one doggone artillery piece Like. Fuck, man So yeah, in 1893, Dilger gets the Medal of Honor for this Natch

Not because he lost them,you see. But he managed to save the five and just decided to have a one on one battle with Stonewall with one gun To even the odds As Jackson's bros come screaming down Hot Pants meets them with a blast of double canister to the face.