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plainoldchair's profile
An Unreasonable Man
An Unreasonable Man
An Unreasonable Man
@plainoldchair

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An Unreasonable Man

@plainoldchair

Associate cryptoanthropologist at the University. No, not that university. The other one. Poor spatial reasoning, but very good at eating tacos.

New England, USA
Joined May 2017

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    1. An Unreasonable Man‏ @plainoldchair 28 Nov 2017

      DISCOURSE DOME: It's self-evident that Donkey Kong is an anarchist. That's beyond the scope of this debate. But, assuming he is, what KIND of anarchist is he?

      1 reply 2 retweets 3 likes
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    2. An Unreasonable Man‏ @plainoldchair 28 Nov 2017

      Most obvious take: He's an anprim. I don't buy this. He hoards clearly-domesticated bananas, and his clan has such entrenched specialization of labor that they're identified almost entirely by occupation alone. Also he flies a plane sometimes.

      2 replies 0 retweets 2 likes
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    3. An Unreasonable Man‏ @plainoldchair 28 Nov 2017

      My take: He's an anarcho-capitalist. Hear me out on this. Exhibit 1) He hoards private wealth in the form of bananas (giant and regular), far beyond what is necessary for his own survival or well-being.

      2 replies 0 retweets 2 likes
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    4. An Unreasonable Man‏ @plainoldchair 28 Nov 2017

      Exhibit B: When his private is infiltrated and burgled, his response involves a wanton rampage through the countryside, killing all in his wake, in what is a textbook ancap reaction to a violation of the Non-Aggression Principle

      2 replies 0 retweets 2 likes
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    5. An Unreasonable Man‏ @plainoldchair 28 Nov 2017

      Exhibit III ☞ From the DK Rap:"His coconut gun can fire in bursts / If he shoots ya it's gonna hurt". In other words, his portion of the rap opens with a warning that he will not hesitate to fire upon you with privately-owned fully-automatic weapons.

      1 reply 0 retweets 2 likes
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      An Unreasonable Man‏ @plainoldchair 28 Nov 2017

      Exhibit ד — In his seminal arcade appearance, Donkey Kong does not speak and little is known of his life. However, given the behavior we do see e.g. kidnapping Daisy, the best-fit descriptor is "Incel", indicating a likely propensity for far-right libertarian extremism.

      9:43 AM - 28 Nov 2017
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      • Round Mack Billy Syphilis
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        1. New conversation
        2. An Unreasonable Man‏ @plainoldchair 28 Nov 2017

          Exhibit Ε· He lives on a private island carved in the shape of his own head, and has named a great deal of landscape after himself. Along with Exhibit 1, this indicates a sense of private property far in excess of modern neoliberal capitalism, much less primitivism or communism.

          2 replies 0 retweets 2 likes
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        3. An Unreasonable Man‏ @plainoldchair 28 Nov 2017

          Exhibit ᚲ-> He wears a monogrammed tie. In ape terms, this is as business-formal as it gets.pic.twitter.com/0O7fLS5gCx

          1 reply 0 retweets 1 like
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        4. An Unreasonable Man‏ @plainoldchair 28 Nov 2017

          Exhibit Ђ; "He's bigger, faster, and stronger too" (DK Rap) indicates a significant level of elitism and self-glorification.

          1 reply 0 retweets 1 like
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        5. An Unreasonable Man‏ @plainoldchair 28 Nov 2017

          All considered, this paints D. Kong as less of a primitive savage, tribal warlord, or community leader, and more as a true Captain of Industry.

          1 reply 0 retweets 1 like
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        6. An Unreasonable Man‏ @plainoldchair 28 Nov 2017

          Who is John Galt? You're looking at him.pic.twitter.com/DLBcSasreh

          1 reply 0 retweets 1 like
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        7. An Unreasonable Man‏ @plainoldchair 28 Nov 2017

          Additional Evidence: In spite of the vanity terraforming projects, private airlines, banana hoards, private mining operations, and other excesses, there clearly is no public infrastructure to be found whatsoever. Donkey Kong Country has absolutely zero public roads or utilities.

          0 replies 0 retweets 1 like
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        8. End of conversation

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