[At the gym before someone teaches me the word spotting]: “hey bro will you take care of me and protect me?”
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probably this
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I love the Senate so much.
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Husband: Hey babe, turn on HBO max
wife: HBO max? You mean Max right?
husband: Max?
wife: Starting may 23rd hbo max is just Max
husband: Just Max huh? I like the sound of that. is anything different?
wife: No.
Husband: I love you so much
wife: i love you too
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(The bad kind of puppy would also have been acceptable.)
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Insisting on calling him “Colonel Lee” since that was the highest rank he received in a legitimate state
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Everyone on the Titanic lining up to kick the captain in the balls one by one instead of getting on a life raft.
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What Elon doesn't understand about his "$8/month for herpes" offer is that nobody's hung up on the cost, the big issue is the herpes
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VINDICATION.
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I love this! “By continually telling their children jokes that are so bad that they’re embarrassing, fathers may push their children’s limits for how much embarrassment they can handle. They show their children that embarrassment isn’t fatal.” twitter.com/CollegeFix/sta…
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obsessed with making etymology charts, here's one showing how suffering, euphoria, and ferret all come from the same root word
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"Alexa, why are GenX the way they are?"
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“Hey, boss, I’ve got an idea for a new piece of playground equipment.”
“Let’s hear it.”
“Kids grab a chain and hold on for dear life while spinning at a high rate of speed.”
“I like it, but it doesn’t sound dangerous enough.”
“Don’t worry, we’ll also lay down some concrete.”
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Read this in Benoit Blanc's voice and you'll have a great evening.
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I suspect, to my horror, that there may well be some Frankenstein coalition created from this impasse, an abhorrent manifestation of House rule that America has never witnessed and the American people have never authorized.
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Paul McCartney's "Wonderful Christmastime" is about friends practicing witchcraft but then someone walks in and they have to suddenly play it cool
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Republicans Calvinists
and and
Democrats Arminians
🤝
arguing
about election
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Traditional phone polling is broken and can’t be salvaged — perspective from two years ago:
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the polling problem is an information fragmentation problem. ten years ago if you sampled 500 people you could hedge that 450 of them were consuming the same six news channels and 20-25 news websites.
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Rest In Peace, Angela Lansbury…
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Self-care routines and bear encounters both start with setting boundaries
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👋🏼 I’m a former analyst in Trans, FCs, others — grateful for all I learned in 12yrs at .
How to 👀 problem (Prime req’d):
Find random address in Omak, WA & add to your address book. On homepage choose “Deliver To” Omak. What’s the fastest Prime delivery day you can find?
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NEW: Some Amazon Prime members are baffled that they no longer can get 2-day shipping on any items--w/ no explanation. Former longtime Amazonian @pjfreese found that Prime shipping is very slow in 1/3 of the 39 counties in Washington, Amazon's home state
vox.com/recode/2022/9/
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There is no part of America that is more "real" than any other. There are no Americans who are more "real" than any others. I've really come to detest this phrase and what it implies.
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This is now the talk of the dinner table. Projection. Deflection. False equivalence. Special pleading. A deep-seated aversion to saying what is true. These are becoming the habits of the Republican household. [5/5]
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Fathers and mothers who once said, “If Johnny jumped off a bridge, would you do it too?” now say, “But the Democrats are just as bad.” “But Obama started it.” “But absentee ballots are a concern.” “But Antifa rioted outside a courthouse.” “But Hillary’s emails!” [4/5]
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Yet Trumpism, regrettably, painfully, tragically, is driving a moral collapse at the level of the family. Parents who once promoted honesty and decency—who would strenuously deny having discarded them—have been undone by our political moment. [3/5]
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Many Republicans indeed try to impart to their children something like the Roman ethic. Work hard. Be steadfast. Be reliable. Serve your country. And most of all, speak up for the truth: call things what they are. [2/5]
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I used to drink tons of Diet Coke but it’s been one month since I’ve had a drop.
I want to share some of the changes I’ve observed in myself over that time:
- My health is unchanged
- I’m less happy
- My one source of joy is gone
Thanks for encouraging me on this journey!
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— 𝐂𝐋𝐀𝐌 𝐁𝐀𝐊𝐄
— SEATTLE #AlkiPoint
— 𝗚𝗘𝗡𝗘𝗥𝗔𝗟 𝗦𝗛𝗘𝗥𝗠𝗔𝗡 𝘴𝘦𝘯𝘢𝘵𝘰𝘳 𝘭𝘰𝘨𝘢𝘯
— E͓̽v͓̽e͓̽r͓̽y͓̽b͓̽o͓̽d͓̽y͓̽ B͓̽r͓̽i͓̽n͓̽g͓̽ ͓̽Y͓̽o͓̽u͓̽r͓̽ ͓̽L͓̽u͓̽n͓̽c͓̽h͓̽ B͓̽a͓̽s͓̽k͓̽e͓̽t͓̽s͓̽ [8/8]
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— When he was raised in Washington as a future candidate for US President, his reply is now abbreviated thus:
"If drafted, I will not run; if nominated, I will not accept; if elected, I will not serve." [7/8]
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— Later quote: “Grant stood by me when I was crazy. I stood by him when he was drunk. Now, we stand by each other always.” [6/8]
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