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  1. Pinned Tweet
    9 Mar 2021

    Cars have windows and can move. Houses have windows and can’t move. So It’s not the windows that make the car go, It’s something else entirely

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  2. Retweeted
    17 hours ago

    i enjoy demons…oh god…was that out loud?

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  3. May 18

    Just heard from my buddy who works at Chase. He said If you go to the bank right before they close, you can ask for money before they throw it away 👀

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  4. May 18

    I'm hearing they get $20 for around $18

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  5. May 18

    People who work at the bank must get crazy discounts on money

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  6. May 18

    My wifi has some good websites

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  7. May 17

    When there is a sex scene in a movie, that's none of my business. I'm closing my eyes

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  8. May 17

    (Getting out of bed in the morning) end of an era

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  9. May 17

    The Dr. Pepper headquarters is my emergency contact

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  10. May 15

    Oh nice. Just left these out over night for a great water recipe

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  11. May 15

    I think I’m gonna be sick..

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  12. May 15

    Just found these in my water

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  13. Retweeted
    May 15
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  14. May 14

    Just got my hands on a calendar for the year 2023. Looks like we’re getting more of “January” and co

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  15. May 14

    (Showing my doctor) what is wrong with this guy

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  16. May 14

    (Been staring at a picture of Mike wazowski on my computer for thirty minutes) There’s no way that’s real

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  17. May 14

    No one is talking about Halloween right now but I guarantee when October rolls around everyone will be..

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  18. May 13

    A ritz cracker can be so good. Last meal quality

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  19. May 13

    Saying 'mmm that looks good' when the waiter brings the water

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  20. May 12

    40-60? Not enough

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  21. May 12

    (too loud) some of my favorite guys are murderers

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