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  1. Pinned Tweet
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  2. 5 Apr 2014

    Long story short, hitler beat me up and has my time machine.

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  3. 13 hours ago

    Toots of Valor: Operation Rootly Doot

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  4. If I ever go to prison, it’ll be for getting revenge on the asshole who made iPhones autocapitalise the word “apple”

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  5. Hey, why not follow my comics instagram ? 112 strips, most of which also involve an insensitive talking apple misrepresenting the vitamin C content of Apples

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  6. Tom Apple Adventures

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  7. Aug 9

    Struggling Used Bookstore Has Tried Everything But Organizing Books By Genre And Author

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  8. Leftist: Abolish prison Me (realising that would make a Con Air sequel impossible): Hold on a minute

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  9. 5 Sep 2014

    A cat heroically struggling to call 911 with his paws while you watch, dying and helpless on the floor, but he's using the tv remote

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  10. Sickening that the studio has caved to pressure from SJWs instead of going with the obvious choice for the next James Bond: a gun with the word “racism” written on it

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  11. They should have allowed applause during the TRIBUTE to the departed - Really bad production. Bette Midler sucked!

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  12. Hmm, the entrance exam for the Space Force seems kind of odd

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  13. [2 years and $3 trillion later] Trump: Cancel the Space Force. What I really want is to be able to morph into a panther

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  14. I like the Space Force idea but this slogan is a little troubling

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  15. Trump: Congratulations, son. You’re a Space Admiral now! You’re going to Mars Trump Jr: Will I ... be coming back? Trump: No

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  16. Oh man, I can’t wait to see this movie

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  17. Aug 8
    Replying to

    Just let me handle my aqua dam

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  18. I’m not an Aquaman, I’m in Aqua, man!

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  19. Punk doesn’t get any better than this. Love this album!

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  20. Oh thank god, Luigi is okay

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  21. You: “Nes” Someone else: “En ee ess” Me: “Nintendertainment system”

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