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  1. Prikvačeni tweet
    29. lip 2019.

    Professor X: what’s your super power? Me: hindsight Professor X: that’s not going to help us Me: yes I see that now

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    if they can’t give you the address of at least one dentist in australia, they aren’t the one for you

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    commercial: foster’s australian for- all of australia: NO

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    Dorothy: ahhh, this is the worst! Scarecrow: what's wrong? Dorothy: i have tinnitus, i hate it so much Tin Man: you know what? go fuck yourself

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  5. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    prije 6 sati

    [first day at marketing company] client: i need help naming my australian sheepskin boot company me: UGH client: yes i love it! me: *not listening* so many spiders there

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    4: you look like a bowl. Me: a bowl of what? 4: a bowl of soup. Me: what kind of soup? 4: butt soup. Me: this checks out.

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  7. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    prije 7 sati

    Quick, someone tell me who won the super bowl. I want my co workers to think I’m “normal.”

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  8. prije 7 sati

    Crocodile Dundee: you call that a knife? me: yes Dundee: what do you call this? me: a fork

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    prije 7 sati

    I'm so hungry the only super bowl I care about is from Qdoba.

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  10. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    prije 8 sati

    [Interview] Interviewer: It says on your resume that you are a very creative person? Me: Yeah, I made most of that up to be honest

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  11. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    prije 20 sati

    me, the only one in spanish class who can’t roll his r’s:

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  12. proslijedio/la je Tweet

    Why is it called vegemite instead of a yeast feast?

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    G'day mate is Australian for going down all day on your mate.

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    america: ayyy australia: g’dayy america: lmao new zealand: lmaori

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    Friend: How was your Australia trip? Me: *disappointed I wasnt able to carry an adult kangaroo in a baby bjorn while they had a baby kangaroo in their pouch* It was fine I guess

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    Vegemite implies that vegemay.

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  17. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    prije 9 sati

    podcast: the killers stalked the remote city of perth, where victims were trapped between the indian ocean to the west and the outback to the east. me: omg. i totally forgot the indian ocean.

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  18. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    prije 8 sati

    me: so the eagles could have solved the ring problem in minutes but just didn't want to him: uh me: and then swooped in at the last minute to rescue frodo and sam and we are supposed to treat them like the heroes him: ma'am please this is a bird sanctuary put the gun down

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