who's Noah?

@pikl_tiklr

Ever heard of cats before?

Vrijeme pridruživanja: svibanj 2013.
Rođen/a 1899.

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  1. proslijedio/la je Tweet

    [child proofing the house] son: whatcha doing? me: how the hell did u get back inside

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    I don’t hug people but I do squeeze their bodies to suss out how much pulp they’d have when liquefied and no one has detected the difference between those two gestures yet

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  3. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    3. velj

    “Kansas City Chiefs” - insensitive to Native Americans - only have one kind of bowl - at least they’re not Washington? “Kansas City Chefs” - woah baby - this fucking rules - vast assortment of bowls - what ya whipping up in the kitchen? - can i have some

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    3. velj

    It’s wild that you can just do anything. Date the wrong person, choose the wrong career. You can go outside and start eating dirt if you want, and the universe lets you. Not even a pop up like “Are you sure?”

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    1. velj

    Ppl who say you don’t need alcohol or drugs to have fun need to recognize their PRIVILEGE! Like congratulations that u have such amazing brain chemistry sweaty, but I do in fact need to be blasted to interact with anyone in a social setting thank u 🙄

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  6. 3. velj

    Me: why is there a banana on the field? My left leg (my only body part that does sports): that's a yellow flag, jackweed

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    2. velj

    me: I need you to sew this mom: sew what me: wow ok nevermind

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    2. velj

    Excuse me, I’m sorry to interrupt but woodpecker tongues go all the way the hell around the top of their skulls like some kind of insane deli ticket machine

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    2. velj

    no super bowl will ever compare to when our king justin timberlake was popping titties out on live tv. 11 year old me will never forget that titty.

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    2. velj

    Can boomers make a single anti Bernie meme that doesn't make him look cool as shit?

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    Need tips for finding a girlfriend? Simply bring a tray of cheese everywhere you go.

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    2. velj

    this means that you DO NOT do what I keep observing happen on the traffic light near my apartment: 1. pull up to the traffic light, notice it's broken and blinking red 2. roll a six-sided die 3. wait that many seconds 4. close your eyes and go

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    2. velj

    Who are the good guys and who are the bad guys in the super bowl today

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    1. velj

    I'm watching a lot of videos about ancient Rome and one thing that kills me every time is one historical figure getting mad at another and having to sustain that anger for several months as they travel across Italy to confront them

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    1. velj

    Last night a woman told me she was a vegan who ate cheese socially

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    Fellas is it gay to be male? You're literally inside a man

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  17. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    28. sij
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  18. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    27. sij

    Translation: With this ingenious trick you can easily smuggle a candy bar into an American cinema!

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  19. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    28. sij

    for every whip, there is an equal and opposite nae nae

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  20. proslijedio/la je Tweet

    If you’re spooning someone shouldn’t you lay directly on top of them? I’ve never seen a silverware drawer where the spoons are stored side by side.

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