It works in the other direction too. If you do someone a favor, you'll start to like them. I feel certain there are as-yet undiscovered ways to harness this quirk of human nature for good.
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When I was a kid, I knew that if A hates B, he'll maltreat him. What I didn't realize till I was an adult was that if A maltreats B, he'll start to hate him. He has to to justify the maltreatment. (Psychologists call this "cognitive dissonance," but it was known long before.)
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The father in Brothers Karamazov behaves frequently in that way.
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I think you're referring to "confirmation bias"
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The opening chapter of “Leadership and Self-Deception” describes this phenomenon. A father ignores his crying baby during the night, then later (subconsciously) has to justify his behavior wrt to his wife (“I have work! She’s being lazy!”).
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@stewart recommended this book as a must read for his leadership team at a YC dinner. - Show replies
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Relatedly, smiling improves your mood.https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/smile-it-could-make-you-happier/ …
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One of the major reasons I got lasik early was that contacts often irritated my eyes. I found that, even though it wasn’t particularly painful, I just couldn’t be in a good mood while my eyes were red and watery—as though simulated “crying” *caused* unhappiness in and of itself.
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