Patton OswaltVerified account

@pattonoswalt

Mr. Oswalt is a former wedding deejay from Northern Virginia.

Los Angeles
pattonoswalt.com
Joined May 2010
788 Photos and videos Photos and videos

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  1. 2 hours ago

    Indeed she would!

    Michelle wrote at length about this case. Bet she'd be happy to see the wheels of justice turning.
    3 replies 16 retweets 252 likes
  2. Retweeted
    4 hours ago

    here's her celebrating rape becoming a pre-existing condition, next question

    79 replies 4,286 retweets 7,925 likes
  3. 4 hours ago

    Can't wait to hear your San Gennaro chunk.

    For Cinco de Mayo I will drink an entire jar of hot salsa and watch old Speedy Gonzales cartoons and speak Spanish all day. Happy CdMayo!
    101 replies 59 retweets 583 likes
  4. 8 hours ago

    Hard to get these 3 entities to agree on ANYTHING. did it. Way to go, Donny Pumpkin.

    In a rare unifying moment, hospitals, doctors and insurers criticize the health bill
    61 replies 763 retweets 3,224 likes
  5. Retweeted
    May 4

    The Republicans have no idea they just killed John Wick's dog.

    139 replies 4,341 retweets 11,463 likes
  6. 14 hours ago

    That tone is what the British call "chocolatey." I want him to read M.R. James stories. Or The Book of the New Sun.

    Replying to @pattonoswalt @HamillHimself
    Agreed you would never think the sqeeky kid from Star Wars would have a rich deep tone that could be the best Joker ever.
    18 replies 27 retweets 423 likes
  7. 14 hours ago

    PLEASE let my voice age like 's. That is the cask-aged Islay single malt of voices. Wow.

    62 replies 222 retweets 3,581 likes
  8. 19 hours ago

    Those eyes are how I'm feeling today.

    The 🔥 in Nom Nom's eyes. Thank you for the gift!
    26 replies 127 retweets 1,339 likes
  9. 19 hours ago

    Uh, maybe don't listen to the lyrics, guys.

    Respect.
    36 replies 59 retweets 708 likes
  10. Retweeted
    May 4

    Trump couldn't host the teachers of the year at the Rose Garden last month, but vote to take health care away from 24M and you're in!

    26 replies 793 retweets 2,635 likes
  11. Retweeted
    20 hours ago

    I wonder why erectile dysfunction isn't considered a preexisting condition.

    802 replies 15,378 retweets 29,549 likes
  12. Retweeted
    19 hours ago

    Daily News FTW.

    This media may contain sensitive material. Learn more
    31 replies 652 retweets 1,666 likes
  13. 20 hours ago

    not . not . From now on you call it not . Staple it to his stupid fucking forehead forever.

    472 replies 6,312 retweets 17,051 likes
  14. Retweeted
    24 hours ago

    What if I told you... I photoshopped the same face onto every man behind Trump. Would you have noticed if I hadn't said anything?

    2,160 replies 66,937 retweets 126,831 likes
  15. 20 hours ago

    UNLEASH HELL ON THESE TOADS.

    Update, it's now half a million. I donated. Do what you can, and pass it on!
    61 replies 432 retweets 1,988 likes
  16. Retweeted
    May 4

    NBC reporter just asked a bunch of Republican Congressmen if they've READ the health care bill. Hilarity ensues.

    828 replies 12,029 retweets 14,122 likes
  17. Retweeted
    21 hours ago

    REUNITED! 9pm Bossanova W/

    2 replies 10 retweets 60 likes
  18. Retweeted
    22 hours ago

    Chinese-Jews 4 Trump

    Pro-, uninsured, says he supports today's , but adds: "I guess it would be a problem if I got sick at the moment."
    47 replies 120 retweets 745 likes
  19. Retweeted
    23 hours ago

    The just voted to strip health care away from millions. We can whimper, we can whine – or we can fight back.

    Senator Warren in the Fight Against Trumpcare
    1,712 replies 10,154 retweets 23,008 likes
  20. Retweeted
    May 4

    Look at Ryan's face here, every journalist or pundit that ever tried to build him up as reasonable, sensible, cool dad should be set on fire

    1:15
    Trump: “How am I doing? Am I doing OK? Hey, I’m president! I’m president! Can you believe it?”
    93 replies 791 retweets 2,442 likes

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