Patton OswaltVerified account

@pattonoswalt

Mr. Oswalt is a former wedding deejay from Northern Virginia.

Los Angeles
Joined May 2010

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  1. Not exactly a "quote." I say that every time I visit a retirement home.

  2. Buy a hoodie. Build a village. 15% of sales go to the Trayvon Martin Foundation. 5,000 hoodies = $50,000k. .

  3. Retweeted

    If any other prez had done half the things Trump has done...a third...a fucking TENTH...he'd be gone like Enron. What's happened to us?

  4. Retweeted
    21 hours ago

    Apparently cat yoga is a thing now and it's when you trap cats in a room with a bunch of sad people and force the cats to watch you do yoga.

  5. A special edition DVD of BLADE RUNNER where they digitally add Thanksgiving decorations everywhere.

  6. Which is why Mike responded to Paul's bad speech with more speech. And facts. Did you even read the thread?

  7. Retweeted
    Jul 28

    I'm a cop. I do not agree with or condone remarks today on police brutality. Those that applauded and cheered should be ashamed.

  8. AMAZING THREAD. Read all the way to the end, please. And never fuck with Mike Stuchbery.

  9. Jul 29

    They were probably trying to get everyone to leave

  10. Retweeted
    Jul 29

    A man brought his boom box and newspapers to my neighborhood pool. I've never seen a time traveler...until now.

  11. Jul 29
  12. Jul 29

    Yeah, but GREAT prop work and a killer TV appearance.

  13. Jul 29
  14. Jul 29

    "It's like Patton Oswalt always says: "I have a secret family in another state.'"

  15. Jul 29

    I have some TERRIBLE news for you, man...

  16. Jul 29

    It's just me, but I buy a LOT of tickets for my shows so I'm doing great.

  17. Jul 29

    Depraved morons are my fan base, SIR. Show some respect.

  18. Jul 29

    In THIS pic?!? Joke's on you -- I ALWAYS look like shit!

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