Patton OswaltVerified account

@pattonoswalt

Mr. Oswalt is a former wedding deejay from Northern Virginia.

Los Angeles
pattonoswalt.com
Joined May 2010
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  1. 14 hours ago

    I am "not" a "crook." --

    224 replies 1,146 retweets 7,878 likes
  2. 17 hours ago

    "The hobo on their helicopter to immortality." Such amazing writing and art in & 's A.D.: AFTER DEATH

    18 replies 29 retweets 366 likes
  3. 18 hours ago

    Steven Seagal WITH FEW EXCEPTIONS Available streaming August 2017

    78 replies 468 retweets 3,235 likes
  4. 19 hours ago

    Shit that panicked America: 70s: sharks 80s: nukes 90s: serial killers 00s: terrorism 10s: the US President 20s: man-ape Taylor speaking

    143 replies 1,166 retweets 6,490 likes
  5. 19 hours ago

    Head to the sanity cellar, Dorothy! The Pres'dent got a Tweet Storm brewing!

    James Comey better hope that there are no "tapes" of our conversations before he starts leaking to the press!
    162 replies 731 retweets 5,033 likes
  6. Retweeted
    19 hours ago

    While Trump was lighting himself on fire on Twitter, Jeff Sessions did something reprehensible that will affect millions of lives forever

    In reversal of Obama DOJ policy, Sessions orders federal prosecutors to seek maximum punishment for drug offenses
    609 replies 13,492 retweets 15,460 likes
  7. Retweeted
    May 11

    Activation: searching for 10-mo-old child. Black Kia Optima VA Tag VAW 219. Call 911.

    11 replies 884 retweets 310 likes
  8. Retweeted
    May 11

    is officially at 50 cities- +20 since Donald Trump fired James Comey. Find one or organize one!

    76 replies 2,083 retweets 3,049 likes
  9. Retweeted
    May 11

    TRUMP: "James Comey is a showboat!" (sits in the oval office pathetically @ replying celebs while his presidency crumbles to the ground)

    We finally agree on something Rosie.
    72 replies 852 retweets 4,158 likes
  10. Retweeted
    May 11
    Replying to

    Heinrich: Do people who are innocent of wrongdoing typically need to be reassured that they're not subject of probe? McCabe: "No, sir."

    50 replies 2,295 retweets 6,533 likes
  11. Retweeted
    May 11

    1. Trump admits he fired Comey to try to impede the Russia investigation.

    Trump to NBC: "When I decided to [fire Comey], I said to myself, you know, this Russia thing with Trump and Russia is a made up story."
    174 replies 3,984 retweets 7,091 likes
  12. Retweeted
    May 11

    soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooowhat you're saying is

    Trump to NBC: "When I decided to [fire Comey], I said to myself, you know, this Russia thing with Trump and Russia is a made up story."
    21 replies 781 retweets 2,646 likes
  13. Retweeted
    May 11

    Not even hiding it. He fired Comey because of Russia. Full goddamn stop.

    21 replies 563 retweets 2,860 likes
  14. Retweeted
    May 11

    This. Is. An. Impeachable. Offense.

    Trump to NBC: "When I decided to [fire Comey], I said to myself, you know, this Russia thing with Trump and Russia is a made up story."
    132 replies 3,012 retweets 8,010 likes
  15. Retweeted
    May 11

    So Trump is now openly admitting that he fires Comey *because* of the Russia 🇷🇺 investigation? How is this not obstruction of justice?!

    Trump to NBC: "When I decided to [fire Comey], I said to myself, you know, this Russia thing with Trump and Russia is a made up story."
    134 replies 3,304 retweets 6,512 likes
  16. Retweeted
    May 11

    folks who protested the removal of the jeff davis monument can take comfort in the fact that they engaged in his favorite activity: losing

    76 replies 5,886 retweets 20,257 likes
  17. May 11

    It is IN MY CONTRACT that I get to narrate Season 5 like a Cockney whore & Season 6 like a Boston fisherman. IN. MY. CONTRACT.

    ABC renews for seasons 5 and 6:
    135 replies 179 retweets 3,173 likes
  18. Retweeted
    May 11

    Holy shit watch this weasel lie on camera in front of the American people. And then try to distance himself from HIS OWN CAMPAIGN.

    2:35
    BREAKING: I was going to fire Comey anyway, Pres. Trump tells in exclusive interview at White House
    79 replies 761 retweets 2,503 likes
  19. May 11

    Watch this, everyone. 2 minutes long. HOW the fuck is Trump still president?

    2:00
    This was the biggest under-reported Trump/Russia story yesterday. This former FBI agent makes a devastating case against Trump as CIC.
    581 replies 9,203 retweets 19,097 likes
  20. Retweeted
    May 11

    The Proud Boys should hold a fundraiser for this guy

    lol
    38 replies 76 retweets 893 likes

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