Patton OswaltVerified account

@pattonoswalt

Mr. Oswalt is a former wedding deejay from Northern Virginia.

Los Angeles
pattonoswalt.com
Joined May 2010
801 Photos and videos Photos and videos

Tweets

You blocked @pattonoswalt

Are you sure you want to view these Tweets? Viewing Tweets won't unblock @pattonoswalt

  1. 3 hours ago

    Ah, those bouquets. Years later they tend to attract rats...

    Once upon a time... in 2008... at my friend's wedding... I caught the bouquet...
    53 replies 30 retweets 634 likes
  2. Retweeted
    6 hours ago

    Hilarious... and also kind of sad. tweeting Declaration of Independence triggers right-wing dunderheads

    23 replies 203 retweets 694 likes
  3. Retweeted
    7 hours ago

    People who think they're part of a master race sure do get squeamish about anyone finding out who they are.

    31 replies 938 retweets 4,927 likes
  4. Retweeted
    Jul 2

    there's no better image to represent all of America right now than a few enjoying the things that belong to the many.

    1,404 replies 34,881 retweets 71,855 likes
  5. Retweeted
    Jul 2

    What a time to be alive?

    93 replies 109 retweets 1,106 likes
  6. Jul 4

    Happy 4th, everyone!

    Watch rock the Oval Office in 's video for "I Love the U.S.A.":
    35 replies 111 retweets 1,008 likes
  7. Retweeted
    Jul 3

    As you wish.

    I agree with on this one, Meredith. I expect to be treated with this level of deference in our marriage.
    55 replies 12 retweets 441 likes
  8. Jul 3

    I agree with on this one, Meredith. I expect to be treated with this level of deference in our marriage.

    Replying to @MeredthSalenger @pattonoswalt
    The level of disrespect is indescribable. has army of loyal fans and people who idolize him. So this says more abt u than him
    54 replies 8 retweets 407 likes
  9. Jul 3

    So what if we are?

    Replying to @MeredthSalenger @pattonoswalt
    Are you two tweeting together on the couch?
    74 replies 25 retweets 1,090 likes
  10. Jul 3

    Aw, it's like we're already married!

    Replying to @pattonoswalt
    You shithead
    54 replies 47 retweets 1,459 likes
  11. Jul 3

    He's a big boy, honey. He knows what he said.

    Don't you mean, "out of HIS league?" 😜
    23 replies 18 retweets 620 likes
  12. Retweeted
    Jul 3

    When you find out is dating .

    29 replies 120 retweets 1,583 likes
  13. Jul 3

    I prefer "clown who's down" but whatever.

    ❤️The love of my life💙 - my funny hunny. 😜
    66 replies 44 retweets 1,200 likes
  14. Retweeted
    Jul 3

    There is a smile on 's face, put it there, I'm a giggly mess. This photo is my new happy place.

    Replying to @SFsportschick
    26 replies 37 retweets 909 likes
  15. Retweeted
    Jul 3

    If anyone knows anything that can help the family please contact them.

    0:29
    message from about Jade's disappearance. Whoever has her, please release her- no questions asked.
    11 replies 1,082 retweets 1,577 likes
  16. Retweeted
    Jul 3

    My colleagues & I get this daily. Trump's anti-press/CNN tweets are not funny to me b/c i know there's a lot of angry wack-jobs out there.

    6,058 replies 19,785 retweets 31,627 likes
  17. Retweeted
    Jul 3
    Replying to

    Thank you, Patton!!!! Please also share these more recent photos of & flyers.

    3 replies 252 retweets 211 likes
  18. Retweeted
    Jul 2

    The guy who made Trump's wrestling meme also made a list of all of CNN's Jewish employees for some mysterious reason

    Here's another meme from the guy Trump tweeted, this one showing CNN personalities with Jewish stars.
    387 replies 7,886 retweets 10,663 likes
  19. Jul 2

    "The handmaid of nativism is amnesia." GREAT article by the ALWAYS great Garret Keizer.

    Read Garret Keizer on lessons from the Paterson Silk Strike of 1913:
    7 replies 163 retweets 614 likes
  20. Jul 2

    This is a nightmare. Can't imagine what Donal's going through. PLEASE READ PLEASE HELP.

    just a note about jade.
    66 replies 3,901 retweets 5,469 likes

@pattonoswalt hasn't Tweeted yet.

Loading seems to be taking a while.

Twitter may be over capacity or experiencing a momentary hiccup. Try again or visit Twitter Status for more information.

    You may also like

    ·