Pat SajakCompte certifié

Been taking a break from Twitter to check out the real world. Despite everything, it’s pretty nice. People are generally kind and polite and helpful, and they seem to have things in perspective. I may spend some more tine out here. You should check it out.

My friends have taken the joy out of jigsaw puzzles by “jigsaw shaming” me. “You don’t cheat by looking at picture on box, do you?” ( I do.) “My father made me solve with the pieces turned upside down.” (Sounds like child abuse.) Etc, etc. So I now put them together in secret.

Now that state and local officials have had a taste of controlling lives and businesses down to the most minute detail, I wonder if some of them will have difficulty eventually getting back to such mundane matters as budget meetings, snow removal and pothole complaints.

Despite my half-hearted attempts to keep up, the popular culture passed me by long ago. The only time you’ll see the word “hip” associated with me is if it’s followed by the word “replacement.” (And, yes, I know the fact I used “hip” as a touchstone merely proves the point.)

Thanks to the magic of Twitter, you’re no longer restricted to fighting with family, friends and neighbors; you can now trade insults with total strangers. And you don’t even have to face them! Invigorating, isn’t it?

To Daytime Emmy voters: The last time I won was 1998. I’ve been nominated again this year, but who knows how many years I have left? So I’ve made a decision: I’m willing to pay handsomely for your vote. Please contact me through my representative. You won’t be sorry. #1More4Pat

According to my calculations, a 3.5 trillion dollar stimulus translates to $10,000 for every American. Think about what sending those checks out would mean to the economy. Of course, Washington wouldn’t be able to decide how it’s spent, so that ain’t gonna happen.

When a disc jockey or a talk show host or a journalist who is being paid to work from his or her home tells people who can’t work, pay bills or pay their rent or mortgage to “Stay home and be careful because we’re all in this together,” it’s okay to question the premise.

I’m so tired of the term “two weeks” (as in, “two weeks to flatten the curve,” “we’ll know more in two weeks,” “it takes two weeks...” etc, etc.) When this is over, I plan to bring back the word “fortnight” so I never have to use the TW words again.

I hope you understand how difficult this situation is for celebrities. Instead of being pampered and flattered by everyone, we are forced to sit in our homes just like regular people. Please don’t forget about us. Any kind words of support would be appreciated. #AdoptACelebrity

No one was recognizing me when I went out wearing a face mask. Had to resort to carrying an 8x10 glossy of myself. Celebrityhood can be challenging.

Surprised to learn that selling vowels is not an essential job.

Using this time to clean out the house. Discovered a stash of Beanie Babies and Furbies. Might be time to leave “Wheel” and start living off the income from these treasures.

On this National Vietnam War Veterans Day, I salute my fellow Vietnam vets.

A few years ago I was awarded a Lifetime Achievement Emmy. Today I learned to make mayonnaise. I’m not sure which one made me prouder.