Trying to get Internet in my new place and it’s one of those “I know you mean well, Japan...” moments: “So blah blah blah two year contract.” “Sounds great.” “Are you going to return home soon?” “... That is a deceptively difficult question but the answer relevant to you is no.”
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“Oh there is an exception if you’re a Special Permanent Resident.” “I am only a regular Permanent Resident.” “Really? What would make you Special?” “Long story which will very rarely apply to anyone who isn’t Korean and which you should be extraordinarily careful regarding.”
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A: “Will you need assistance in setting up your computer or smartphone with WiFi settings?” B: “Maybe don’t ask him that.” “What?” “You’re supposed to skip that question if the customer clearly has no need of it.” “But why...” “Just look at him; clearly an engineer.”
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(A trick which many Japanese companies are also very capable of employing in international contexts: if you don’t act like you’re paying attention people *instantly* forget that you are bilingual.)
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Another thing I’ve learned over the years: if you’re presented with a document to read you have to make a show of reading it. This will often get interpreted as “Ahh he’s pretending to be literate.” but if you just read it like you’re literate you’ll be assumed to be illiterate.
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“What?” Pretend you’re a high schooler in a play given the stage direction “He reads the mandatory disclosure.” and you try your darndest to make sure the back row understands you are Reading The Mandatory Disclosure.
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*furrows brow* *ostentatiously moves eyes from left to right tracking the important bit of the document* *pauses on a particularly difficult kanji and tilts head to right, as if in contemplation as to what it meant again*
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End of conversation
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