“Oh sorry was just making sure because we’d charge you a $90 fee to break the contract earlier.” “Understood. It is extremely unlikely I will exercise that option.” “So I gather you’ve been in Japan a while?” “Does your CRM still put ‘Customer Since’ in the top right corner?”
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*he glances at screen, which tells him that I’m 15 years and N months into a 2 year contract* “Wow.” Three minutes later:
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“Do you happen to have your passport on you?” “... I do not.” “Oh dear. Terribly sorry ask this if you but could you bring it? Policy changes mean we can’t accept your foreign resident card as ID without it.” “... Understood.” “You’re much less annoyed than I would be.”
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“You have quoted policy at me and if you had any flexibility, for example owing to my account being homed at this shop and one of the employees having personal knowledge of me, you would have tried that before asking me. You thus have no flexibility. Arguing or being mad futile.”
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“(Polite noises.) Terribly sorry but really glad you understand the situation.” “I have learned a thing or two in living here my entire adult life.”
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“Oh there is an exception if you’re a Special Permanent Resident.” “I am only a regular Permanent Resident.” “Really? What would make you Special?” “Long story which will very rarely apply to anyone who isn’t Korean and which you should be extraordinarily careful regarding.”
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A: “Will you need assistance in setting up your computer or smartphone with WiFi settings?” B: “Maybe don’t ask him that.” “What?” “You’re supposed to skip that question if the customer clearly has no need of it.” “But why...” “Just look at him; clearly an engineer.”
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(A trick which many Japanese companies are also very capable of employing in international contexts: if you don’t act like you’re paying attention people *instantly* forget that you are bilingual.)
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Another thing I’ve learned over the years: if you’re presented with a document to read you have to make a show of reading it. This will often get interpreted as “Ahh he’s pretending to be literate.” but if you just read it like you’re literate you’ll be assumed to be illiterate.
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“What?” Pretend you’re a high schooler in a play given the stage direction “He reads the mandatory disclosure.” and you try your darndest to make sure the back row understands you are Reading The Mandatory Disclosure.
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*furrows brow* *ostentatiously moves eyes from left to right tracking the important bit of the document* *pauses on a particularly difficult kanji and tilts head to right, as if in contemplation as to what it meant again*
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End of conversation
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