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patio11's profile
Patrick McKenzie
Patrick McKenzie
Patrick McKenzie
@patio11

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Patrick McKenzie

@patio11

I work for the Internet, at @stripe, mostly on accelerating startups. Opinions here are my own.

東京都 Tokyo
kalzumeus.com
Joined February 2009

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    Patrick McKenzie‏ @patio11 8 May 2018
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    Trying to get Internet in my new place and it’s one of those “I know you mean well, Japan...” moments: “So blah blah blah two year contract.” “Sounds great.” “Are you going to return home soon?” “... That is a deceptively difficult question but the answer relevant to you is no.”

    9:40 PM - 8 May 2018
    • 12 Retweets
    • 87 Likes
    • 𝙵𝙸𝚉𝙰 🌺 Hakim Merah Nancy Pelosi's Refrigerator Crowe: Love and Thunder Iain P 😷 James Burns Jason Hofmann Philip Seifi laralfield
    4 replies 12 retweets 87 likes
      1. New conversation
      2. Patrick McKenzie‏ @patio11 8 May 2018
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        “Oh sorry was just making sure because we’d charge you a $90 fee to break the contract earlier.” “Understood. It is extremely unlikely I will exercise that option.” “So I gather you’ve been in Japan a while?” “Does your CRM still put ‘Customer Since’ in the top right corner?”

        2 replies 1 retweet 39 likes
        Show this thread
      3. Patrick McKenzie‏ @patio11 8 May 2018
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        *he glances at screen, which tells him that I’m 15 years and N months into a 2 year contract* “Wow.” Three minutes later:

        1 reply 0 retweets 27 likes
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      4. Patrick McKenzie‏ @patio11 8 May 2018
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        “Do you happen to have your passport on you?” “... I do not.” “Oh dear. Terribly sorry ask this if you but could you bring it? Policy changes mean we can’t accept your foreign resident card as ID without it.” “... Understood.” “You’re much less annoyed than I would be.”

        2 replies 0 retweets 31 likes
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      5. Patrick McKenzie‏ @patio11 8 May 2018
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        “You have quoted policy at me and if you had any flexibility, for example owing to my account being homed at this shop and one of the employees having personal knowledge of me, you would have tried that before asking me. You thus have no flexibility. Arguing or being mad futile.”

        1 reply 2 retweets 42 likes
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      6. Patrick McKenzie‏ @patio11 8 May 2018
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        “(Polite noises.) Terribly sorry but really glad you understand the situation.” “I have learned a thing or two in living here my entire adult life.”

        1 reply 0 retweets 30 likes
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      7. Patrick McKenzie‏ @patio11 8 May 2018
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        “Oh there is an exception if you’re a Special Permanent Resident.” “I am only a regular Permanent Resident.” “Really? What would make you Special?” “Long story which will very rarely apply to anyone who isn’t Korean and which you should be extraordinarily careful regarding.”

        3 replies 1 retweet 33 likes
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      8. Patrick McKenzie‏ @patio11 8 May 2018
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        A: “Will you need assistance in setting up your computer or smartphone with WiFi settings?” B: “Maybe don’t ask him that.” “What?” “You’re supposed to skip that question if the customer clearly has no need of it.” “But why...” “Just look at him; clearly an engineer.”

        2 replies 8 retweets 94 likes
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      9. Patrick McKenzie‏ @patio11 8 May 2018
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        (A trick which many Japanese companies are also very capable of employing in international contexts: if you don’t act like you’re paying attention people *instantly* forget that you are bilingual.)

        2 replies 1 retweet 53 likes
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      10. Patrick McKenzie‏ @patio11 8 May 2018
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        Another thing I’ve learned over the years: if you’re presented with a document to read you have to make a show of reading it. This will often get interpreted as “Ahh he’s pretending to be literate.” but if you just read it like you’re literate you’ll be assumed to be illiterate.

        1 reply 1 retweet 28 likes
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      11. Patrick McKenzie‏ @patio11 8 May 2018
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        “What?” Pretend you’re a high schooler in a play given the stage direction “He reads the mandatory disclosure.” and you try your darndest to make sure the back row understands you are Reading The Mandatory Disclosure.

        2 replies 2 retweets 31 likes
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      12. Patrick McKenzie‏ @patio11 8 May 2018
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        *furrows brow* *ostentatiously moves eyes from left to right tracking the important bit of the document* *pauses on a particularly difficult kanji and tilts head to right, as if in contemplation as to what it meant again*

        2 replies 0 retweets 31 likes
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      13. End of conversation

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