Certain transactions, including mortgages, require paying a tax in Japan. You buy a stamp from the government and affix it to the document; existence of stamp proves the tax was paid. The tax on a mortgage is not small, and the clerk was worried I was mixed up in a fraud.
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"Er, yes, quite." "You see a thing that You Know Who do is they find people who are in desperate straights and maybe a little financially unsophisticated." "Thank you but I'm..." "And then they say there's an application fee and to make you feel good with it they say buy stamps."
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"That's fascinating ma'am but..." "And those stamps are good as cash." "Yes I'm aware they're a *negotiable instrument.*" "And I wouldn't want you to get taken advantage of." "YOUR CONCERN IS APPRECIATED BUT IT'S A BANK." "Well dear how would you know it was a bank?"
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And you know the part of me that works in finance and computer security was actually a little flumoxxed by that because how do you really know anyone is anyone, when it comes down to it. But that wouldn't have gotten me the freaking stamp. "Here's paperwork." "Oh it's Big Bank."
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Because You Know Who are, of course, utterly incapable of producing a one page document with Big Bank written on top which says "Mr. McKenzie, as discussed previously, buy some stamps." But whatever. Anyhow: correct denomination was not in stock; trying again another day.
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