Minor heresy: I think that almost all brainsweat involved in "finding a mentor" is wasted, on both sides.
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Replying to @patio11
We're socialized very early, and aggressively, for decades, that success is a) here is a credentialed older adult b) go make them happy.
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Replying to @patio11
This is not what success *means* and this is not how success *is found.*
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Replying to @patio11
But people want the model! They want someone to tell them what to do! They want someone to give them social permission to try new things.
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Replying to @patio11
School is an *absurdly* permission based model. You can't fail at a new math equation until a teacher tells you "It is now OK to do that."
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Replying to @patio11
If you attempt to learn something without special dispensation, by failing at it (the way you learn anything), you can get disciplined.
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Replying to @patio11
You don't need a mentor to start a business. You don't need a mentor to learn a new programming language. You can just straight-up do these.
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Replying to @patio11
There is no disciplinarian who will say "Wait you tried learning Ruby?! You're not cleared for that for 2 years. Going on permanent record!"
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Ever heard people complaining about emotional labor? Asking someone to be a mentor is that: hey, please take responsibility for me.
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Replying to @patio11
"I'm needy and I need validation, so I'd like you to own my success outcomes." "But I have minimal ability to influence those b/c work."
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Replying to @patio11
I have had people propose very elaborate mentoring schemes for me, and they felt like work, in the sense that cargo culting usually does.
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