As someone who has dealt with possibly the only landlords anywhere more likely to be puzzled by an entrepreneur than those in the Bay Area, my first suggestion to this is "ask your CPA to write something very official looking."
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My second option would be causing a corporate person to write up something with a header like Verification of Income and Employment, with something like: "To whom it may concern, Per company policy we do not provide pay slips to third parties. Company policy allows us to..."
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"Shit man, what are any of us going to do? It is a company and it has a policy. Well that settles it. A Delaware C corporation, in its majestic authority, hath decreed that I cannot satisfy this requirement. I guess that means I'm exempt right." works far, far more than it should
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The only time I've seen Patrick swearing is when he's quoting an SF landlord
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While it’s not literally the case that I never swear I attempt to keep my one a year quota around for roleplaying people under the influence of controlled substances.
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