The Man Who Sees Everything Twice  

@PajamaStew

I have no senses but I must feel.

Alaska
Vrijeme pridruživanja: studeni 2011.
Rođen/a 03. listopada

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  1. Prikvačeni tweet

    You often visit the bees that live in the hive behind the barn. Your mother told you they were dangerous, so you go in secret, standing very tall on the top of an unstable ladder, answering their questions about human behavior, sometimes delivering batteries and spools of wire.

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  2. If you pay an angel in Idaho the sum of 3,800 dollars, it will destroy the children of earth.

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  3. Our cars refer to us as an "infection" and their mothers weep when we crash them into each other.

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  4. At 5:00 the calendar event announcing the start of my vacation triggers a giant vat of acid above my desk to tip over, instantly dissolving my body, my computer, my useless papers and worn-out chair, Kristen from HR on the 1st floor, and half of the soda machine in the lobby.

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  5. 4. velj

    Planets have rings because they shed their skins. Saturn was once blue; one day again it will lose its decrepit golden coat, and reveal the sapphire surface of youth

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  6. The dentist hesitates as he stares into your open mouth. Instead of teeth, there are rows of glittering green, red, and blue gemstones. "I'm afraid these are gonna have to come out," he says through his mask, eyes strangely fierce, drill already spinning in his raised hand.

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  7. You assume the plane is landing, but instead it grabs a gigantic screaming rodent from a moonlit meadow and ascends into the trees. "Food service will begin shortly," the captain announces, as if it is unrelated.

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  8. 31. sij

    [yelling over club music] If there was a button that could end the world would you push it?

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  9. "Would you like to continue?" your phone asks, briefly reconnecting to the airplane's wireless inflight entertainment as it plummets in pieces through the night sky towards the ground. "Yes, I would," you say, reaching out with your finger. But it is already too far away.

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  10. We don't talk about Love Potions No.1 through 8, nor the amorous deformed human test subjects that had to be exterminated in the lab.

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  11. As we get older our emotions dull, much like our hearing. At first, we lose the extreme limits of ecstatic joy and devastating sadness. Then entire frequencies of emotion vanish: ambition, rage, desire. Slowly, we go deaf, everything melting into a buzzing tinnitus of the heart.

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  12. "I'm a shooting star!" screams a brilliant white ball of light hovering in your bedroom. You wake with a start and shield your eyes. "Wish for something!" it screams. "No... please, I just want to sleep." "Good!" The star turns red and its voice is now deeper, "Wish for it!"

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  13. You'll be happy to hear that someone broke into your house while you were away and they stole the fireproof lockbox under your bed where you used to hide all your paranoid anxiety.

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  14. 26. sij

    All spells are just Latin words and ancient Rome was full of the craziest things happening in the middle of conversations.

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  15. 25. sij

    My town's motto is: "Situated for Success" which sounds better than "Next To The Freeway."

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  16. You'll be happy to hear that someone broke into your house while you were away and they stole the fireproof lockbox under your bed where you used to hide all your paranoid anxiety.

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  17. i went viral on linkedin and i now have over 2,000 jobs

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  18. A shadow suddenly appears on the sidewalk and you look up to see the giant disembodied hand hovering above you. It hesitates, white-gloved fingers wiggling thoughtfully. You wait. Suddenly, It moves to someone else and gently lifts them up into the clouds. Maybe next time.

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  19. The mayor was elected based on the campaign promise that if we like the debris that flowed into our home during the recent city-wide flooding we would be allowed to keep it, but now that he is elected he is demanding that we turn our debris collections over to local authorities.

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  20. My daughter begs me to read one more recipe before bed, "How does the Stroganoff turn out!?" I place a hand on their innocent forehead, "Darling, the stroganoff in the book will be just fine." I stare out the window at the dark cold night, "But real life is not like in books."

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  21. 24. sij

    Everything’s fine until someone starts tapping on the window of your quarantine cube

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