Outer Dialogue

I feel like all poems should rhyme.

When eating Starburst, swallowing a little wax paper wrapper with a piece here and there is just part of the process.

I'm pretty convinced at this point that I could just rip my little toe's toenail off and be no worse for the wear.

I think if my name were Doug, I'd definitely have a "Beware of Doug" sign hanging somewhere in my bedroom.

Have we considered that judgmental people might just be really good at making snap decisions?

As we get older, stereotypes become truer.

Should actors and actresses be classified as professionals when playing charades and only allowed to guess?

Are showers really just water massages?

Do monkeys ever tear a hamstring? I never see a monkey with a torn hamstring.

We should just wait until animals die until we eat them.

I think I could set the world's longest texting thread if I simply kept replying to any text a female sends me.

I refuse to eat the XXL misshapen polyploidy strawberries.

I think they should change Black Friday to Natural Selection Friday and bomb all of the Wal-Marts 30 minutes after open.

Does everyone have a friend that makes them feel like they need to clean their entire place after they've been over?

Thoughts and prayers go together like salt and pepper.

Only listen to the advice of a salmon salesman when it ain't about buying salmon.

We should just make the cows workout instead so they're not so fat when we eat them.

What happens if your brother is a son of a bitch?

All dogs seem like boys to me. All cats seem like girls. This is not a metaphor.

Is there any greater fear than running through a dog owner's yard in bare feet?