I should be asleep, but I need to say this to sleep, so bear with me and my Swype keyboard in the dark.
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These men aren't toxic because they can't get laid. They aren't failures because they can't get laid. They have a toxic relationship with how society perceives virginity, and you aren't helping if you reinforce those cultural norms.
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Toxic masculinity has taught these menthey are entitled to sex, they should be rewarded with sex, and that they are less than human, especially less than male, without sex. Therefore any woman who denies them sex is denying them their right to be a man and she is the problem.
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Toxic masculinity specifically refers to the CULTURAL ideas of masculinity that are also toxic. Not to masculinity as a whole. Just like contaminated water and water are not equivalent.
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Every time you shame virgins, especially male virgins, you are reinforcing that toxicity. People can not engage in sex and be perfectly well adjusted, perfectly human, and not failures.
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What's wrong with incels is they believe their desires are more important than the agency of women. That their problems are everyone else's fault. Certainly not that they are acting like petulant creeps & every woman around them can read that vibe and stay away for their safety.
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If you want to fix the problem, if you want to give men pause about their actions before they're radicalized, if you want to give men an out to saving themselves, focus on the entitlement of toxic masculinity.
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I know men that can't get laid and want to. They aren't misogynistic monsters by default. They can be disappointed in their circumstance and not blame other people for it, largely because the people around them don't alienate them for it.
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And again, there are plenty of men who don't want sex, but are constantly made to feel ashamed and less human because of that. There are men that coerce themselves into unwanted sex because they feel they have to. Please stop damaging them; please stop culturally pressuring them.
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It's easy to drag people who don't fit your cultural norms. Who don't have access to, or don't want, experiences that were formative to you. You are part of the problem when you do this. You are alienating them into the arms of the monsters that understand & support them better.
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I'm reminded of a quote from a post about what makes a villain. "Most of the villains that I’ve come across have one defining characteristic: they are fine. THEY are never the problem and THEY are never looking to change themselves.
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"It’s everything else that needs to come to terms with what they represent, and be transformed in their image, either in the micro or macro level."http://taliesinjaffe.com/post/90640393361/holy-god-damn-i-cant-believe-you-have-a-tumblr …
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TL;DR shame incels for acting like garbage people, for literally acting like cartoon villains, not for lacking sex.
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Some further reading if you want to understand the role of toxic masculinity in corrupting incels into monsters, and what we can change in our culture to stop this from happening.https://twitter.com/DrNerdLove/status/989149324184576000 …
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And a great article about how toxic masculinity and virgin shaming affects asexual men.https://twitter.com/AsexualJournal/status/952616307232575489 …
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End of conversation
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