Ollie Coe

The depression had been there a while too, I'm sure, but the ED was "under control" in my mind. But stressful work projects, a long commute, a failing relationship, plus my mother battling cancer and MS tipped me over and I began spiralling at the beginning of 2015.

After A&E trip #1, the spiral quickly became intense anxiety with a side order of suicidal ideation. It also brought back my banned food list and waves of binging/purging. It resulted in me coming into work catatonic after an awful conversation with my ex and a big ED flare-up

Thankfully my boss noticed, pulled me aside and made me take time off. I went to the doctor, was put on medication and started looking for therapy. Then after months of treatment and medication, and my mother's cancer now in remission, I decided to leave my job.

This was a hugely sad time for me. I loved the work, the people, the games, but the commute and workload was too much for me now. It felt like a defeat and something I'd never recover from. I was wrong ofc. It was just a job.

I have to thank my boss back then, Sarah, for being so brilliantly understanding, kind and open-minded about everything. If I hadn't been given the room to start my recovery I'm not sure what would have happened. I wish more bosses were like her.

I'm very high functioning with my depression and I have that awful "keep calm and carry on" attitude of the English which pretty much equates to: "Just pretend everything is fine". It works for a while but you have to deal with your demons at some point. Those bastards.

Flash forward another three years and I'm still recovering. I'm off the medication and have been for almost a year. I still speak to my therapist every two weeks. I still have ED slips and I am still prone to depressive episodes, but they're getting shorter and further apart.

I'm still a little distant with friends and family after the depression but it'll take time. I love you all and I'm sorry.