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  1. Pinned Tweet
    9 Sep 2015

    please view my latest tweets

  2. May 31

    trajectory of covfefe was sorely overestimated, duration of relevancy: one meme. do not invest in merchandise

  3. May 30

    insects are not permitted in my home, arachnids considered if boundaries are established

  4. May 30

    i scan the papers each morning for scientific discoveries and every afternoon i validate them

  5. May 26

    "they are meant for each other– they're both very basic."

  6. May 24

    proud practitioner of the donald duck apple cleaning method

  7. May 19

    plz rt my previous tweet

  8. May 19

    we require a trump impersonator to rob kwik-e-mart in order to launch simpson siblings' investigation that will uncover trump can't read

  9. May 19

    it's so cool that it's cold

  10. May 19

    i had the ice blue gameboy pocket bcuz ice was the coolest idea of the 90s, now we have apps and uh hover boards

  11. May 18
  12. May 17

    if questioned, i will reveal that i support only two scents to be applied to the human body: faintly floral and slightly citrus

  13. May 15

    shoutout to the ppl who turn lights on during the day (negative shoutout)

  14. May 7
  15. May 2

    primary ebay strategy is wanting things no one wants, second is perfect snipe timing

  16. May 2

    2 months ago spotlight search "ch" enter started opening chess instead of chrome and now i'm a grandmaster

  17. May 1

    i saw what happened with _______________. everybody saw what happened with _______________. everyone is talking about _______________.

  18. Apr 19
    Replying to
  19. Apr 19

    did rowlf the dog learn piano as a puppy or as a dog

  20. Apr 19

    slamming my return key like a true dev

  21. Apr 18

    cool feeling when an animal likes you and dislikes everyone else

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