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After I explained that 16.04.1 is just 16.04 with updates pre-installed, they doubled down and said that 16.04 with any updates is not supported, only the 16.04 image as originally distributed in April 2016 is. 2/
So I first had to install that exact version of Ubuntu with updates disabled in a VM and demonstrate the issue there before they were willing to even look at the details of the exact issue I was reporting. I wonder if they have a similar no-updates policy for Windows. 3/3
(Notice my optimism about a fix in 1-2 years at the end of that email. :)
