So here I am saying: trust me — just learn how to code. Open up a tab in your browser and go through the basic http://codecademy.com stuff. Yes, it's really important. 
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I realized. Just looking for info on how to proceed.
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I find a 'problem-based approach' works best for me, i.e., working with actual research problems--figuring out how to break down the analyses into simpler problems, then using Google/guides to solve those
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StackOverflow is godsent.
End of conversation
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I am trying to change this for the next generations, and you can fix this for yourself too. It's never too late.

