Not sure people explicitly realise this, but when somebody is hurting and opens up and talks about it, one of the most hurtful things the other conversant(s) can do is reorient the topic to be about them and/or to be about jocular takes on the topic.
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Replying to @o_guest
I've also seen people realise they carry similar pain or that this is a safe environment to share when sbd opens up. It *can* work out very well, but they can cut each other off. I'm like "well I shouldn't interrupt either of you but this isn't great
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Replying to @emanuil_tolev
Realising you are carrying similar pain (almost always?) is the opposite to changing topic (what I called above in OP: "reorient the topic") and definitely is not the same as "jocular takes on the topic".
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Replying to @o_guest @emanuil_tolev
HOWEVER, you are right that people carrying the same pain often make jokes. It's part of their coping strategy — and the jokes-are-OK environment is negotiated between them because they are in an informed and consensual jokes-are-our-coping-tactic zone.
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Replying to @o_guest @emanuil_tolev
Those jokes are not offensive, but are indeed part of the healing process. It's important to know that like the word "that" refers to dramatically different things as a fraction of context, pragmatics plays a great role in when a joke is OK or not.
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Replying to @o_guest @emanuil_tolev
If you think a joke isn't appropriate — if you are not sure — don't make it.
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*as a __function__ of context
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