I absolutely hate the “but criticism is more important than being kind” narrative as if the two are competing for the first place. Worst kind of false dichotomy ever to being up. Terribly misleading framing. Also disappointing.
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Yeah - that kind of thing both saddens and angers me, and you're right that it happens a lot. I guess I'm just more optimistic that things can change, but then I say that from a position of huge privilege on pretty much every dimension...
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(except perhaps my weird surname and tendency to tan quickly...)
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I think things can change, but I don't think it's easy. It seems to be to be a typical case of "you can say you offer training/help to those who need it but if none of them think they need it, it's impossible to train/help anybody".
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It's painful to watch those who are the most responsible/poster people for bad behaviour be the same as those who seem to (superficially) decry it. Like the classic case of the male ally to feminism being an abuser.
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We're dealing with highly intelligent people (academics) who purposefully or just adaptively and without conscious realisation will find ways to continue as they are – being unkind in this case, or being outright abusive in others, it's a spectrum.
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But also a system that enables it - we promote people on the basis of their scientific credentials, not their management / leadership credentials, and the two often reflect skills / dispositions that are in direct opposition (e.g., individual vs team focus).
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In a world of hawks and doves, if you start to advantage doves even by a tiny bit... hawks will just kill a dove and wear its feathers. I see it happen even with the people who seem to be the least into playing games. The Ponzi scheme of science either ejects you or recruits you.
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This just shows how this has to be an ongoing process - any change to the incentives will mean that behaviour gradually shapes around those incentives. So we can't fix things and walk away - we need to always be monitoring, tweaking, evaluating, etc.
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