"What we’re not trained to do is to read the room & ask, “Am I saying something that ppl don’t know & need to know? Or am I being condescending?” It doesn’t usually feel wrong until someone calls us out on it." https://www.nature.com/articles/d41586-019-00683-z …
Stop replying, start listening -- @sbarolo
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My autistic way of explaining is sometimes seen as condescending. Hearing myself talk from recordings I can agree. There is no intention... at all... most of the time it’s just enthousiasm and a lot of trying to be as thorough as possible on a subject. I’m not competitive.
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I can empathize, I also get interpreted differently from how I intend things, regularly. How I read this thread and
@djnavarro’s response in particular, however, is not about the intention, but that behaviour is notably different if the person talked *to* is a woman, e.g.0 replies 0 retweets 4 likes -
Replying to @djnavarro @IrisVanRooij and
IMHO I think that one can learn to be respectful by just saying less often. I'm not saying it's the be all and end all of being nice others, but a lot can go a long way if you don't interrupt and wait your turn when another person, a woman, is speaking while at the same time...
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Replying to @o_guest @djnavarro and
learn when to interrupt if a person, typically a man, is hogging the conversation. And this can be done by anybody. If you are worried though, just don't interrupt women as the simplest heuristic.
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Replying to @o_guest @djnavarro and
And trust me, I get it. One way I try to deal with it is if I find it hard and feel an itching inescapable need to interrupt when another person is talking, I try to take a note of what I want to say but continue listening.
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Replying to @o_guest @djnavarro and
If I can't take a note, I try very hard to let it go because interrupting others when they are talking is destructive to the whole point of having a conversation. I do know it's very hard though and I fail often too.
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...and this is why online and generally text-based communication is so good for me. I can easily do note-taking and turn-taking without having to (if certain cases) have to focus mental energy on "don't interrupt".
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Replying to @o_guest @djnavarro and
That was me speaking from a neurodiverse and feminist perspective — coping tactics to deal with stuff like this (being inclusive and respectful) is something I feel like very few really focus on or realise might be useful to neurotypical people too.
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Replying to @o_guest @djnavarro and
I relate to this so strongly. That final checkpoint of “should I hit send?” is a powerful tool that isn’t available IRL.
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End of conversation
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