As a survivor: I see the covering up of bruises with make-up & sunglasses; I see the overly-controlling relationships where one person is subsumed by the other in every way, including overt displays of (potential) violence...
I see, but I can't help other than to say "I see". 
Having been abused, people confronting him in public made me suffer so much more in private. Anybody who supported me in public meant well but I was too brainwashed to fully understand and my abuser punished me for it behind the scenes. 
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Indeed. I rarely intervene in “private” abuse for this reason. But—especially with psychological advise—they might just pick up abusing anyone who stands out even in a simple group of friends. I joined a lot of groups through my husband, and one of them has someone super toxic.
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Yes, with not DV it's obviously something I do a lot, even on Twitter. Sorry my OP was about DV though.
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DV does manifest publicly though... So um not sure the correct dissociation is private vs public.
End of conversation
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