The bar is so low. I can’t believe how many people are using “success” and “talent” as justifications for sociopathic and abusive behaviour. The mental gymnastics on the timeline are Olympic. The only good thing about moments like this is that people openly show their allegiance.
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It’s useful information for BW and anyone from a marginalised group. It’s all valuable intel. Black trans women have a life expectancy of 35. Yet mainstream culture wants to mine them for their contributions and leave them to die. We need to do better. We have to.
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But this isn’t just about that. It’s also about the lengths men will go to protect abusive misogynoir. Even nice guys; they’ll read bell hooks and do nothing about the abusive men in their proximity. This is one of the scariest forms of cognitive dissonance I keep witnessing.
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No matter how much feminist theory some men engage with and how kind the seem, the true battleground of praxis is how they hold the men in their lives accountable. How willing are they to call out and eventually cut off toxic men?
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The same guys who wax lyrical about wanting to be a Dad and even signal that they’d be willing to do a fair share of the labour of childcare, also won’t cut off the guys they know are abusive. By that logic they want to raise their children adjacent to potential violence. Absurd.
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Way I think of this is, if I told someone off for being a racist at the get go, then they would know not to be racist around me. But I really want to get to know this person and for them to be who they are around me, so it means something when I tell them off. Keep enemies close.
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I disagree: social sanction is a strong check on behaviour. If I let someone know I will not tolerate racist speech or actions around me, I make that person's scope of action smaller, I prompt a tiny bit of shame and self-censorship, and that's a win.
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Of course! It's an awesome tool. I was thinking more, I came from left university analysis paralysis and moved to working class jobs and signalling early with a social sanction would have meant not uncovering the other shit they though acceptable. Examples: right now...
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... I am interacting with a guy on a boat I sail on who is pretty overtly sexist who I sense must have a history of domestic violence... but it's a hunch right now, the crew are all in agreement on this guys sexism, and I am not sure if sanction is the way, or confession.
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So this example is not an abstract one to me: I am a woman, and overt sexism and violence against women has a deep and daily impact on my capacity to act and even exist in the world. I don't think that behaviour needs witnessing; it need stopping. It has to start with men.
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Yup. 
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