But this isn’t just about that. It’s also about the lengths men will go to protect abusive misogynoir. Even nice guys; they’ll read bell hooks and do nothing about the abusive men in their proximity. This is one of the scariest forms of cognitive dissonance I keep witnessing.
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No matter how much feminist theory some men engage with and how kind the seem, the true battleground of praxis is how they hold the men in their lives accountable. How willing are they to call out and eventually cut off toxic men?
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The same guys who wax lyrical about wanting to be a Dad and even signal that they’d be willing to do a fair share of the labour of childcare, also won’t cut off the guys they know are abusive. By that logic they want to raise their children adjacent to potential violence. Absurd.
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Way I think of this is, if I told someone off for being a racist at the get go, then they would know not to be racist around me. But I really want to get to know this person and for them to be who they are around me, so it means something when I tell them off. Keep enemies close.
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I disagree: social sanction is a strong check on behaviour. If I let someone know I will not tolerate racist speech or actions around me, I make that person's scope of action smaller, I prompt a tiny bit of shame and self-censorship, and that's a win.
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And sometimes (dare I say often?) this turns into a big win with the person actually changing around everybody not just around Aimée!
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My main issue with trying to "infiltrate them" or whatever is that people watch you "condone" their BS and think "huh, being racist is OK". I think it's better to almost always call a spade a spade to an audience (i.e., society) than not!
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With confessions I can be a witness.
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Why be a witness to a crime if you can instead stop it happening? Is it because you believe it will happen either way?
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I am trying to stop domestic abuse and violence against women and attitudes that contribute to priviledge.
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I am a survivor so I appreciate that you are trying to stop this — that doesn't answer my question though. I am happy to drop it/leaning towards dropping it because I don't think we are on the same wavelength.
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