Any reader who "needs" this advice won't be able to read this column anyway; his neighbor STOLE his paper. Remember?
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*pssst* they're posting this online...
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Uh, yeah, that's where I read it. But my joke centered in the fact that home dlvry ppl probably don't read online.
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I get home delivery but I also read some stuff online as it's posted at different times.
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I surrender. I was just making an innocuous (and apparently unfunny) joke. Have a good weekend.
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binge some comedy shows.

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Comedy can't be learned that way. If it could be, like half our population would be comedian level funny. It's a talent
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I "got" his joke, but he delivered it wrong. I don't think 7 seasons of the office would help that haha
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Thank them for sparing you having to read opinion pieces disguised as news?
- End of conversation
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Send them an invoice.
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Cancel the English language version and receive your paper in an alternative language. Extra points if your paper publishes in R'lyehian.
#Cthulhu#NeighboursThanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. UndoUndo
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Make a decoy paper dated one week in the future with an obit for the neighbor
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They are also too old to actually walk to their neighbor’s house.
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Cancel your newspaper delivery & only read online. That's what I did.
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Ask Rand Paul's neighbor...
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I loaded a bait paper with pig intestine. Neighbor never stole another paper!
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