Say what you will about @united, but it only took them like four tries over two days to release an apology that could pass as human
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Ah, the old “Sean Spicer” approach
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Part 1: We apologize for any inconvenience being that we had you you forcibly ejected by security officers...-ONE



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Part 2: In the process you incurred injuries due to bodily harm inflicted by security officers...-ONE



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Part 3: Since there's no hard feelings we're offering you & a person of your choice unlimited free flights for the next decade...-ONE



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Part 4: To accept our generous offer we require that you sign documentation that releases us from any liability regarding protocol
-ONE



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Thanks for flying down the isle with United see you soon
-ONE

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NEVER EVER FLY UNITED AGAIN.
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They could have saved millions (share price drops) by hiring a private jet for their precious staff instead of assaulting a passenger!
Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. UndoUndo
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#trump will now bomb their runways -
well, will send bombs but conveniently miss anything important
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A little too late...?
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"we are sorry that someone filmed and posted it for everyone to see"
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Headline should read: After an attempt to explicitly blame the victim of the assault, and stock value declining sharply on Tuesday.....
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it can't be overstated that the flight was NOT oversold -
@united was booting paying customers to transport their employees.Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. UndoUndo
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