Jess Lane

@notjesslane

sex stuff during DVD menus writer/director/comedian

LA
notjesslane.com
Joined October 2008
168 Photos and videos Photos and videos

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  1. Pinned Tweet
    26 Jul 2018

    I’m 5 feet tall and have made people guess how tall I am and consistently get guesses of 5’4” and it’s one of the things I’m most proud of in life and that sucks I should have better accomplishments than this

    3 replies 1 retweet 67 likes
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  2. Retweeted
    Apr 20

    My friend sent me these pics from when we used to work together and I have looked at them a dozen times over the last couple days! Nostalgic for me. Also she helped me pick out those glasses, which have pretty much been my whole look for like five years now. Hi Jess!

    2 replies 1 retweet 17 likes
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  3. Retweeted
    Apr 7

    😉 winking + 😭 in-tears =

    45 replies 1,544 retweets 6,204 likes
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  4. Mar 31

    Look, I edited this!

    3:14
    Here it is. The shot-for-shot remake of The Rolling Stones "Start Me Up" music video I directed starring as MICK! Jon worked with the choreographer Rami Malek used on "Bohemian Rhapsody" to get the moves like Jagger. We hope you enjoy.
    4 replies 4 retweets 73 likes
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  5. Mar 22

    On hold with for 7 hours after their callback service hung up on me last night. I’ve listened to two songs (Kenny G and this piano version of Unchained Melody) on loop at least 1000 times now. If you’ve ever questioned my grit or resolve, know that I am indestructible.

    2 replies 1 retweet 12 likes
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  6. Mar 21

    Well tonight was the first night the food I cooked for dinner tasted like absolute shit and I made myself eat it anyway so fuck me I guess

    12 likes
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  7. Retweeted
    Mar 12

    It might be useful to think of this market nosedive as the investor class saying—in one voice—that they will not have companies wasting their valued capital tending to sick employees or prevention efforts. Capital must be securely vaulted until the mortals cope on their own dime.

    Coronavirus, oil collapse erase $5 trillion from U.S. stocks
    5 replies 201 retweets 1,075 likes
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  8. Mar 12

    Just rode the elevator with another person in my office. That was TENSE.

    3 likes
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  9. Mar 11

    Shout out to all my codependent people out there who feel like they are going to literally die from lack of human contact while under Coronavirus lockdown. Sending you virtual hugs.

    15 likes
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  10. Retweeted
    Mar 11

    If you’re upset about regular folk hoarding toilet paper, wait till you hear about how a tiny percentage of rich people have hoarded most of the world’s wealth.

    1,374 replies 134,327 retweets 575,516 likes
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  11. Mar 8

    International Women’s Day? More like International Feeling Left Out Of Meaningful Female Friendships Day 😎

    3 likes
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  12. Feb 26

    When was the last time you took time out of your life to count how many likes someone else’s Instagram post got?

    1 reply 7 likes
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  13. Retweeted
    Feb 25

    HOLY SHIT - random msnbc ghoul “to young people, free healthcare, college debt forgiveness sounds good to them. think about it, you’re out of college, 25 or 26 years old, working your first job, earning 75,000 or 80,000 a year, that kind of thing appeals to them i guess.” !!!!!

    1,949 replies 6,113 retweets 65,444 likes
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  14. Retweeted
    Feb 23

    This TikTok has a really good visual representation of a million versus a billion dollars, which is especially relevant now that people are trying to compare Bernie’s $2.5 million to Bloomberg’s $64 billion

    1,358 replies 136,410 retweets 463,261 likes
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  15. Feb 14

    Started writing a long text to a friend and hadn’t hit send yet and thought “oh man this is already helping me figure things out” and realized that I just need to write in my god damned journal more

    13 likes
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  16. Feb 11

    When a guy tweets this, it’s a joke. When a woman tweets this, it’s the truth.

    I spend at least 3 or 4 hours a day on the phone with my boys checking in on their mental health.
    1 reply 1 retweet 32 likes
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  17. Retweeted
    Feb 11

    i guess you could say i was a disney kid (parents kept me inside a large vault)

    5 retweets 45 likes
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  18. Feb 11

    No no no, you’ve got it all wrong... The Strokes aren’t making Bernie seem more cool, *Bernie* is making *The Strokes* seem more cool.

    1 reply 6 retweets 81 likes
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  19. Retweeted
    Feb 8

    If you call off sick you are not leaving your co-workers short-handed. Your boss did that. They refused to hire enough employees. Didn't make plans to cover sick workers' shifts. Didn't include your human needs in their calculations. It's not your fault. You deserve sick days.

    1,497 replies 112,457 retweets 422,183 likes
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  20. Retweeted
    Jan 30

    wawa

    390 replies 3,250 retweets 14,772 likes
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  21. Retweeted
    Jan 28

    "Having a personality" is not a personality 🙄

    3 retweets 35 likes
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