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Someone just tried to deliver a pizza to my apt, but I didn’t order it. Address was right, apt was right, but I’m not Emily. Thought about taking it. It smelled great.
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Josh Madison Retweeted
guy at this karaoke bar in a full suit and studded coke white boots just dedicated his song to “the most important first responders in New York” and proceeded to do ghostbusters
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Josh Madison Retweeted
Some people got to watch the moon landing. We got to watch the 2022 Oscars.
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Announcement on subway: “Listen up to this announcement because supervision came up with a brainstorm this morning…”
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I’m more than bothered by the use of “indirect” and the capital O in “DO”.pic.twitter.com/HkxtpeyhPu
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On phone with woman friend and she’s telling me a story. I’m completely silent while she’s telling the story. After a few minutes of the story she says, “Are you still there? Why are you being so annoying?”
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USPS: Your package will be delivered by 1:45pm. Me (without package at 2pm): *checks website* USPS: Your package will be delivered by 9pm. Your package was always going to be delivered at 9pm. Your package was never going to be delivered by 1:45pm.
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Hot take: Pepperidge Farm pizza goldfish do not taste like pizza...or goldfish.
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Josh Madison Retweeted
𝒞𝑒𝒸𝒾 𝓃’𝑒𝓈𝓉 𝓅𝒶𝓈 𝓊𝓃𝑒 𝒲𝑜𝓇𝒹𝓁𝑒Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. UndoUndo -
I have come to the conclusion that I will never spell “warrantee” or “vacuum” correctly without an assist from autocorrect, and I’m OK with that.
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Do you remember when you joined Twitter? I do!
#MyTwitterAnniversary
pic.twitter.com/UrJWdqxOXW
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Whew! Wordle 208 6/6
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Ain’t that a pisser? Wordle 203 5/6
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Wordle 200 3/6
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Just a reminder that 1980 C-3PO and R2-D2 visited Sesame Street. They played games and sang songs, and Artoo fell in love with a fire hydrant.pic.twitter.com/1Yuqmermgk
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“Well, Gail, by this time the hostages should be going through the early stages of the Helsinki Syndrome.” “As in Helsinki, Sweden.” “Finland.”
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What even is the point of the first fast forward speed on a DVR?
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Preheating is foreplay for ovens.
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