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@NoJesseNoGlory

Jesse Irvin///Writer @ The Hard Times // Burning Bridges Festival // Probably not smart.

Pittsburgh PA
Joined May 2009
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  1. Pinned Tweet
    2 Jun 2018

    im 33, single, no college, and i get upset by video games. This is just a reminder that i could still be a cop if i really wanted to.

    3 replies 13 retweets 89 likes
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  2. Jul 3

    Proud Boys Proud Boys whatcha gonna do? Whatcha gonna do when they finally cum for you?

    1 like
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  3. Jul 3

    Its still weird that we accepted putting .99 at the end of all the prices makes things cheaper. Technically it does but I still want to cage fight your manager.

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  4. Jun 26

    Time traveller from the past - "So whats 2019 like?" Me- "Someone bootlegged Avengers Endgame and edited all of the women out because they are in an infinite loop of not getting invited anywhere, are you ready to go back yet? Its getting late lol"

    1 like
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  5. Jun 23

    The year is 2020: A meme was sworn in as president of the usa. Everyone just goes with it. We are all handed coupons. They don't work anywhere.

    1 like
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  6. Jun 19

    Everytime a politician says theyre going to create jobs I think "dude chill ive had like 50 of those"

    1 retweet 6 likes
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  7. Retweeted
    Jun 19

    daily reminder that it is unconstitutional for cops to arrest you at any time

    13 replies 41 retweets 477 likes
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  8. Jun 19

    Thinking about watching cable tv so I can relate to people in the breakroom.

    2 likes
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  9. Jun 17

    You think you know what lonely is? Try being the sole defnder of the film Weatheman starring Nick Cage.

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  10. Jun 12

    The reason Ive never worn sandals is to let people know that I could probably survive a mild disaster at any given time.

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  11. Retweeted
    Jun 11

    considered hiring one of those CIA body language experts to determine if the teens who complimented my outfit yesterday were being sincere

    2 replies 3 retweets 71 likes
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  12. Jun 10

    So I watched some asmr videos and some are strangely relaxing. They also make me feel like a witch is about to trick me into an oven.

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  13. Jun 4

    My fav argument against universal healthcare is when someone says "YEAH BUT THERES A POSSIBILITY OF A LINE"

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  14. Jun 4

    Im willing to bet the person who applied for the straight pride parade permit was unironically wearing suspenders.

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  15. Jun 3

    *aggressivly takes the stage at an open mic* "STRAP IN MOTHERFUCKERS THIS IS GONNA SUUUUUCK!"

    1 like
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  16. Jun 2

    I bet Mike Pence is texting trump things like "yeah just keep saying weird stuff itll be fine"

    1 like
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  17. May 30

    They would just change it to 12 for the free market or something nvm

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  18. May 30

    We should go back to simpler times. When no one lived long enough to be eligible to run for president.

    1 reply 1 like
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  19. May 30

    The worst part about being bald is when your existing hair keeps growing just to let you know it can.

    1 like
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  20. May 30

    Politicians should be treated like race cars. They would have to wear large stickers from their sponsors. It wouldnt change anything but I love awkward shit.

    1 like
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  21. May 28

    If you dont think voting matters check out an online best local comedian poll.

    1 retweet 6 likes
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