nebulously worried about my younger brother can someone assure me that teenage boys do in fact grow out of it
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at his age I overfixated on “college apps” and “being ambitious” and I don’t want him to do that but I would like him to find something, anything he truly loves and can put lots of time into that’s not like... a video game (but maybe even a video game!!!)
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Roughly, my priorities from age 14-24 in chronological order: Video games Girls Travel Getting a high money/status job Wanting to author my own life (to put a phrase on it) I've heard similar stories from several friends. hopefully a bit reassuring
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hmm when i hear that description i wonder if he maybe feels powerless and not really in control of his life in a meaningful way. and i wonder if trying to push him into changing will just make you seem like another person who's trying to control him and take away his power
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in your position i might try empathetically listening to and receiving his anger and making sure it feels properly heard (like literally ask him whether he feels heard), and *then* asking "okay, so... what do you want? where do we go from here?"
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I don't believe I felt real agency until I was ~25, when I moved away from my parents and had a job I chose, and paid for a flat/life with money I earnt
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My life until that point felt like I was pipelined through the schooling system, then popped out the other side and took the first appropriate job I came across
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I went through almost this exact phase in middle and high school. “What’s the point?” was my motto. Needed both carrot and stick to get out of it. Carrot was, as you say, discovering something I enjoyed and doubling down. Stick was the possibility I wouldn’t go to college.
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Not saying that’s the exact threat that needs to come into play. But almost everyone has some idea of how they want their adult life to look and very few understand how their choices now impact that. Same for good students. Academic success is a proxy for “I want to succeed.”
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Sports and/or martial arts help with this
Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. UndoUndo
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I think many of us are struggling to see the future as real right now, on top of what seems like developmentally regular teen boyhood we have this terrifying pandemic that changes all the rules. Teens were already stressed and anxious - this is overwhelming on top of that.
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I have no solution to this problem, sorry. If my own teens make it out of this alive that’s about what I’m aiming for right now. I have faith they can figure out their futures as they go.
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